On February 27, every presidential candidate not named Donald Trump, threw up their hands and said, “Well, there goes that, we tried,” when the pride of Florida Aaron Carter declared in a tweet that he’s voting for the sunburnt taint goiter. When you win the ex-meth head child star majority, you win the whole bitch! The Hillary Duff stalker and Nick Carter coattail rider talked to GQ about why Donald Trump is the only candidate for him.
28-year-old Aaron (that’s not a typo) spent a huge chunk of his interview with GQ on talking about how he’s sick of haters saying that his money situation is as broke as his brain. Sure, Aaron may look like the kind of hot trash who asks you for a $1 at the gas station and then screams at you to fuck yourself and says that he hopes you crash into a pole when you tell him you don’t have cash (this has happened to me), but he tells GQ that he’s not broke. Aaron says that he went from making $30,000 in 2013 to making $1.5 million the next year. But even though he claims he’s not a broke bitch, he also admits that he recently filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. The IRS came at Aaron with a $4 million bill, because his parents didn’t pay his taxes for two years when he was a kid. So Aaron filed for Chapter 7 to get out of paying those taxes and start over, and that’s a big reason why his ass lips tingle for Trump. Bankrupt birds of a feather, I guess.
So I kind of just find myself being able to relate. I like what he’s doing for taxes for the people. And I like what he’s focused on. Like, let’s worry about our deficit right now. And about our country. And about how we can actually make it great again. He’s proving that sometimes you have to file for bankruptcy and rebuild. I can relate. I’ve been through it.
But wait! Melania Trump shouldn’t start picking out the perfect gold leaf to cover the outside of the White House with, because Donald Trump hasn’t completely won Aaron Carter’s vote. Aaron says that he’s not for the wall between Mexico and he’s not for Trump dumping same-sex marriage in the toilet:
“I support Donald Trump. I don’t support every little thing. Trump goes his own way. He’s a leader, not a follower, and he’s proven that by humbling the other campaigns. I think in regards to him becoming president, well, the electoral college will be the decider. I don’t agree with banning gay marriage. It’s outlandish, because he has supported the gay community before. And building a wall is totally outrageous.
Well, I mean, there’s still time to see how it works out. And I haven’t even made my vote. If Trump can’t change some of his ways of thinking, then I’m just going to sit this one out.”
Hopefully, Jabba the Trump does “change some of his ways,” because if the only vote that matters, Aaron Carter’s vote, isn’t cast, the entire election will be declared null and void and we’ll have to start all over again. But I’m sure Trump will change his ways for Aaron. Because he wants to win and also wants to make Aaron his Secretary of the Treasury.
Before Aaron ended his interview with GQ to yell at a driver outside of a gas station in Malibu, he dropped an entire pearl factory of wisdom on our brains. Aaron has gotten some hate and death threats for declaring his support for Trump on Twitter, and he says that he takes it personally, because he takes everything personally since he’s so personable. It sounds like he used the torch that Michael Jackson passed him to light a fat blunt.
“I take everything personally, but that’s because I’m so personable. And that’s because I can really relate to myself, I can really look in the mirror and know what I’m all about.”
And I fully expect to see the headline “Hilary Duff Gets A Quickie Divorce And Immediately Elopes With Aaron Carter” today. Because I’m sure that piece of poetry made her coochie sprout wings and fly her straight into Aaron’s arms.