Let me take you on a trip. A trip back to a simpler time. It was 1987 and a young man had just started a new job at at Prince & Company, a department store. This young man was an artist and he assembled the perfect mannequin. Through the power of mysticism and love, that mannequin came to life and became his lover and muse. That mannequin was more human than anyone he’d ever met. Which is more than I can say for the topic of this post – possessed monster mannequin Wendy Williams.
Wendy recently went on Conan and he asked her about her parenting style. She says she’s a pretty chill mom and that her family is very open, especially when it comes to doors. She has a no closed doors policy in her lab, I mean house in which she lives with her human creators, I mean family, human family. Conan nearly punches her – in his eyes, it’s all in his eyes – when he hears that because 15-year-old boys, which Wendy has one of, need closed doors like plants need sunshine and water. She says they’re all “heavy walkers” and constantly clearing their throats so they can all hear when someone is approaching in the house.
But, this being Wendy, she has to overshare and give us the dry heaves. She tells a story about her son walking in on her giving her husband a blowjob. The incident took place two years ago when her son was 13 and she says it was some sort of learning experience for him and now he’ll always know to walk loud or clear his throat before every damn step he takes in that house.
“He wouldn’t kiss me! He wouldn’t kiss me, Conan!” wins my award for quote of the weekend. Why she would tell this story I have no idea. It’s mortifying and gross. Her son is definitely not going to be an easy teenager if she keeps this shit up. Either she’s pulling “cool mom” by not caring he walked in on them or she hasn’t had the program for embarrassment installed yet. Whatever the reason, it takes a certain kind of someone to go on national TV and silly tee-hee about their kid catching them giving head. And now that we know this story, they really should do some additional filming for the movie about her life.