Page Six says that after dating (but not fucking) for almost a year, Ciara and her football player boyfriend Russell Wilson are getting married. That frantic winding sound you just heard was Russell Wilson’s desperate dick setting his True Love Waits countdown clock to their wedding night. Ciara and Russell announced they were making it legal this afternoon on Instagram.
You know you got a big-ass engagement ring when that shit sparkles in the dark. I don’t even have flashlights that provide as much illumination. Ciara later confirmed it by posting the picture above of Russell getting down on one knee. Again, you know you’re dealing with a monster of a rock if the setting sun is creeping up on your hand, like “Damn, lemme get a peek at that.”
This will be Russell’s second marriage and Ciara’s first. She was previously with Future, who she has a 1-year-old son named Future Zahir with. Ciara is also currently suing Future for $15 million for saying she’s a bad mother. In case you forgot, the reason Future called her a bad mother was because he saw pictures of Russell pushing Future Zahir around in a stroller. So, there’s at least one person who probably won’t be sending them a congratulations basket from Edible Arrangements today.
So Ciara’s pussy is finally going to get to do the 1,2 Step on Russell’s dick. But what’s really getting me excited about Ciara’s wedding is wondering if she’ll twerk down the aisle on the hood of a car like in the video for “Oh.” I know that won’t happen, but a trashy girl can dream. Here’s Russell and Ciara last weekend at the Givency show in Paris.