Usually Spirit Airlines is the one (figuratively) punching passengers in the face by charging us for every damn little thing from choosing a seat that doesn’t make us feel like a sardine to printing out our boarding pass at home. (Soon they’ll be charging us $10 to piss and $30 to lay down a shit.) But on a flight from Baltimore to Los Angeles yesterday morning, a few passengers were the ones doing the punching.
Blasting a boombox is only cute if you’re John Cusack, the year is 1989 and you’re outside of Ione Skye’s bedroom. Actually, let’s be real. It wasn’t cute then either. It was gross. But blasting a boombox is really not cute when you’re stuck on a plane with a bunch of strangers who have working ears and don’t appreciate you blasting a boombox. The Los Angeles Times says that shortly before the flight from Baltimore landed at LAX, the nerves of the passengers were worked over when two (most likely boozed up) women blasted music from a boombox. Several passengers asked them to turn it down. We all learned in science class that when you mix together the organic compound alcohol with db2 (that’s the chemical formula for two douchebags) and light it up, it’s going to explode.
Instead of turning the music down, the drunk messes turned it up. One of the drunk messes threatened everyone with a worse time by asking, “What are you going to do?” She then held the boombox up in the air and waved it around like she truly didn’t fucking care. When the plane landed, 3 other women went after the drunk messes and it turned into a regular night at Denny’s. I’m actually pretty impressed, because I can barely cross my legs in those tight ass Spirit seats, but yet these messes found a way to get up and fight a bitch. That takes real skill.
The police pulled all of the
Million Dollar Babies Half Dollar Babies off of the plane. Blasting your ugly music on a plane should earn you a permanent place on the Do Not Fly On Anything Ever List, but only one of those wrecks were cited and none of them were charged with anything. Speaking of charges, I’m sure every passenger on that flight found a $25 charge on their credit card from Spirit for that live pay-per-view boxing match. Nothing on Spirit is free.
(Thanks to everybody who sent this in)