Messy Unicorn Dreams Do Come True, Mimi Is Doing A Reality Show

March 10, 2016 / Posted by:

More magical moments like Mimi getting pushed around on a janky chair cart may soon hit our eyeballs, because UsWeekly and Page Six say that she’s currently shooting a reality show for E!. Mimi doing a reality show covers my stale soul with thick layers of glittery YES, because I have a feeling it’s going to be a glorious mess like her legendary Cribs episode. But all of those thick layers of glittery YES immediately  got covered with skid marks of NO after I read that it’s for E!. Mimi should not put herself in the same basic cable family as the Kartrashians. Mimi’s reality show should be for Bravo since it’ll probably be like Real Housewives of LisaFrankLand.

UsWeekly says that Mimi’s reality show will follow her and her entourage as she does her show in Las Vegas and tours through Europe this spring. Mimi has already started filming. The deal was reportedly put together by Mimi’s manager Stella Bulochnikov who is also a reality TV producer. Page Six says that this has made some people in Mimi’s team the opposite of happy. They think that Mimi is completely blinded to what’s going on in her career, because her eyes are currently covered with dollar signs and hearts from getting engaged to Australian billionaire Shrek. Some of Mimi’s team members believe that Stella is calling all of the shots. They’re already having a tombstone for Mimi’s career made, because they think doing a reality show is going to send it to the grave. Page Six’s source spit this up:

“Someone of Mariah’s stature should not be doing this. Whitney Houston did a reality show and that was the real end of it. We hope that it doesn’t end up being like when Whitney did ‘Being Bobby Brown.'”

A different source says that Mimi’s billionaire piece is hardly going to be in it. The working title of her show is currently Mariah’s Squad. They’re going to have to change that title to Mariah Sued after the litigious cornhusk Taylor Swift throws a lawsuit at her.

That source can munch on a pile of cold unicorn shit, because they have no idea what they’re talking about. Mimi’s show isn’t going to be like the second coming of Being Bobby Brown. It sounds like it’s going to be the second coming of one of Bravo’s earlier masterpieces: Hey Paula! I, for one, can’t wait for the scene where Mimi bitches out her minions as she tries tell a goddamn story about how she was just fired as executive producer, songwriter and costume/doll designer of the Hello Kitty movie.

I watched that shitty Bratz movie and Paula Abdul was right: there is no God.

Pics: Wenn.com, Attitude

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