There are many things that are perfectly okay to swat away. Those things include annoying mosquitos, annoying mosquitos’ human cousin Taylor Swift, a relative asking you for a loan, your hungry child asking you for food while you’re trying to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, etc… There are also things that are not okay to swat away no matter what and one of those things is your 80s-90s TV daddy John Goodman. Kristen Wiig apparently broke that rule and I demand that she pay the price for that by spending the rest of her days on Death Row!
The former member of Team Chunk (copyright: Freshalina) was on The Howard Stern Show to promote his new movie 10 Cloverfield Lane, and he talked about how he sometimes feels insecure around “A-list” stars like George Clooney and Matt Damon. John said that while making The Monuments Men, he tried to hang out with George and Matt, but he felt out of place since he doesn’t really drink and didn’t bring a lot to “that party” since they’re “super A-level guys.” John Goodman is a sensitive soul and someone should softly stroke his hair while telling him he’s on legend level, which is above the A-level on the elevator keypad that is life. I mean, John was the star of the hit show where George Clooney played the supporting role of that asshole Booker. This world isn’t fair because it’s a place where John Goodman is nervous about hanging around with the likes of George Clooney instead of the other way around.
Sensitive John also told Howard about another time he felt out of place. He says that he’ll never try to talk to Kristen Wiig again, because he says he embarrassed himself by interrupting a conversation she was having at a party. via People
“I think she’s so great, and the social barriers broke down and I interrupted the conversation. And I would just hate for somebody to do that to me. And she goes, ‘Yeah, I’ll talk to you in a minute.’ [makes sound of bomb exploding] I really like her, and it was embarrassing, so I’ll never speak to her again.”
Okay, I’m sorry, but unless you’re talking to Joan Collins, Angelyne or your weed man, you drop everything to talk to John Goodman. You tell the person you’re talking to, “Dan from Roseanne has summoned me. Bye, bitch!” Kristen needs to be sat down in a classroom and taught that lesson and that classroom should be in the prison where she’ll serve her sentence for the rude crime she committed against John Goodman.
Here’s Cold-Hearted Kristen at the NYC premiere of Zoolander 2 last month and Sweet-Hearted John at the NYC premiere of 10 Cloverfield Lane last night.