As of 10 days ago, Rob Kartrashian and Blac Chyna were bonding over their confusion of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter while looking at all the groceries Pimp Mama Kris’ minion bought for him. But yesterday, Webster’s was about to update the definition of “love” to read: IS A LIE, because People said that the failed sock mogul and the silicone Muppet had broken up. A source (Note: “A source” is Satan-talk for PMK) said that Rob and Blac Chyna had a huge fight, and he’s moved out of her house and is now living at the house his mommy bought for him in Calabasas, CA.
Everyone figured that the split was real, because Rob did the unthinkable by erasing all traces of Blac Chyna from his Instagram page and she threw up an Instagram post (which she deleted) that said, “When you just get out of a relationship & your hoe friend welcomes you back into the world of Hoe.” Everyone also probably screamed, “QUICK! Somebody throw Hershey’s syrup and Oreo cookie bits on Kim Kartrashian,” because we figured that Rob was going to eat his feelings. But last night, the meaning of love stepped away from the edge when Rob announced on Instagram that they’re still together.
After Rob posted a picture on Instagram of his niece North going south and almost eating ground, he sharted up a heave-inducing couples selfie of him eating Chyna’s face and he also let everyone know that he’s regularly resting his FUPA on her Made in Taiwan (no offense to Taiwan) ass as he hits it from the back. Rob’s note about he and Chyna still being together brought several eye rolls out of me, but it probably brought a weird warm feeling to the frozen mound of grounded-up vulture meat that PMK calls a heart. Not only did Rob partake in her family’s only real “skill” (read: attention whoring), but he also spoke Kardashian. Because everyone knows that “we’re going to keep our relationship to ourselves” is Kardashian for “LOOK AT US!”
Chy and I are not broken up we just feel like it would be a lot healthier for our relationship if we kept a lot more to ourselves. It's impossible to have a positive relationship with so much negativity from the media and outsiders and we would appreciate it if everyone respects that -ChyRo 💍 @blacchyna 💍
ChyRo? That sounds like the name of a disgusting chicken and cheese Gyro that Burger King released for a limited-time but had to pull off of their menu after customers complained that it gave them salmonella and made their assholes shoot out a sloppy shit tsunami. So in other words, it’s the perfect couples name for them!
And as that was happening, Kummy Kakes tried to get everyone to look at her again….
Her Photoshop skills have gotten a little better. But if this mess really wanted to shock bitches, she should’ve posted a video of her actually reading a book to her kids. Kim proving that she can read + spending time with her kids = the shock of all shocks.