Wannabe Gold Diggers, Raise Your Shovels And Salute Your New Idol!

March 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Jerry Hall and her super villain billionaire boo Rupert Murdoch announced a couple of days ago that they’re getting married this Saturday, but I guess these two crazy kids just couldn’t wait to legally bind their everlasting and genuine love. Because Jerry and Rupie officially got married today. They celebrated their new legal union by posing for photographers. This picture definitely warmed my no-heart, because Jerry Hall has glow about her. It’s the kind of glow that covers your face when the direct deposit from your job hits on Thursday night instead of Friday morning.

The BBC says that 59-year-old Jerry Hall and 84-year-old Rupert Murdoch got married in a civil ceremony at Spencer House in London today. It was just a ceremony to make things legal. Their big wedding ceremony will happen tomorrow at St. Brides church. Jerry and Rupie have only been pounding each other’s fuck parts for a few months and they got engaged around 7 weeks ago. I hope all of the drugstores in London are fully stocked with KY, because Rupert is going to tear his wife’s ass up tonight.

Jerry is now the real-life Bond villain’s fourth wife and Rupert is Jerry’s first husband since her marriage to Mick Jagger was declared null and void. Rupert has 6 children and Jerry has 4 children with Mick Jagger.

Because we’re all dead-hearted money-grubbing whores who don’t think that true love exists, we’re probably all wondering one thing: What about the prenup? Silly us! Jerry obviously married Rupert because she’s never felt a love like this before and she’d be with that demon frog even if his banks accounts were as empty as his soul. So I’m sure she proved that her love for him is genuine by signing a prenup that states she gets NOTHING! Or maybe when she was about to sign the prenup, she yelled, “Look! A giant Werther’s Original,” and as Rupert looked away, she quickly switched out the papers with papers that state she gets EVERYTHING!

Either way, congrats, you two love birds.

Pics: Getty, AP

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