As John Mayer’s self-proclaimed David Duke dick hits the road to campaign for Donald Trump, his ex-piece Katy Perry (born name: JonBenét Ramsey) went off to Hawaii with her piece-of-the-moment Orlando Bloom. They first started eye-fucking and flirting with each other at a Golden Globes after-party in January and almost 2 months later, they’re still bumping nipples and bouncing on each other’s wet parts. 2 months is practically 15 years in famous people time, so I guess this means that they should get a couple name. I’m going with Blorry. It sounds like what you’d call a blow job on a lorry. It’s perfect.
Entertainment Tonight says that Katy Perry did a private show at the Grand Wailea Resort in Maui last week. Orlando joined her and when Legolas didn’t have a face full of her Misty Mountains at the private house they rented, they went hiking and to dinner and a helicopter ride. Some witness, who was in the same restaurant as them, told ET that Katy and Orlando nearly made everyone in the place gag on their luau pig as they got into some sickly PDA action. Rude whores, people are trying to eat!
“They looked very loved up and really into each other. They were comfortable letting everyone see them as a couple — lots of PDA and hand-holding. It seemed very romantic and they both smiled a lot, and looked to really enjoy each other’s company.”
ET also has a bunch of pictures of Blorry holding hands. Here’s one of Orlando Bloom’s right nipple trying to get a peak of Katy Perry’s chichis.
— EntertainmentTonight (@etnow) February 29, 2016
Click here to see the rest of the pictures. You know, I was going to say that Orlando Bloom is a major, major, MAJOR upgrade from John Mayer, because John Mayer, but then I saw the picture of him dressed like a Hawaiian cholo. I didn’t need the image of Legolas saying, “Aloha, vato!”