And now for some dirty nanny drama courtesy of Susan Sarandon’s daughter. Eva Amurri and her husband Kyle Martino (seen above in the traditional “Nanny? What nanny?” stance) recently found themselves in an awkward situation with their nanny. And for the first time in recent Hollywood history, it doesn’t end with Eva whipping divorce papers at Kyle after catching him humping on Nanny McPhee in the guest house.
Eva took to her blog, Happily Eva After (via UsWeekly), to tell the tale of the time her nanny tried to get with her husband. It all started shortly after the nanny was hired a few weeks ago as a replacement for the last nanny Eva fired. Eva got a call from her husband while she was away on a business trip with the news that the nanny accidentally sent him a text saying: “OMG. Girl, did I mention to you how hot and sex my Boss is. I would love to fuck his brains out ha haah. Too bad he seems not to like thick Latin women with lots to hold on to LOL.” Ah the old “That was meant for someone else” text. Well played, horny nanny.
According to Eva, when Kyle and their 1-year-old daughter, Marlowe, returned home from breakfast (which they went to shortly after Kyle received the nanny’s “whoopsie” text), he looked up to their bedroom window and found the nanny peeking out from behind the curtains. Apparently playing hide-and-go-fuck is a no-no in the Amurri-Martino home, so Kyle canned the nanny.
Now here’s where it gets all kinds of daytime TV trashy. Kyle taped the confrontation with the nanny and Eva threw up a transcription of their conversation on her blog. But this is by far the best line:
Nanny: I didn’t know you were going to be home now (this is said in a low and sultry voice)
The Nanny can go ahead and update the skills section of her resume to include stone-cold seductress, because that is some expert-level attempted adultery.
So now Eva is looking for a new nanny. But as we’ve seen time and time again, nannies are a Hollywood marriage’s kryptonite. I guess the only solution is to start hiring dogs, like Nana from Peter Pan, instead. Although it would only be a matter of time before we’d be reading about a famous actor getting busted by his wife for sending a dick pic and text to their nanny that reads: “Woof woof bark wink?”