What In Southern Bridesmaid From The 80s Hell?!

I have questions:

1. Does Heidi Klum’s publicist have blackmail material on nearly every awards show producer, because trick is at all of them. Heidi Klum is at the Oscars tonight for reasons unknown to everyone including Heidi Klum. She does have a look on her face that says, “How the fuck did I get invited to this?!” Did Phoebe Price have a much more interesting and exciting event to go to (like the opening of a Jack In The Box in Reseda, CA) and so Heidi Klum is taking her place as head seat filler?

2. Why isn’t she in jail instead of at the Oscars? Heidi obviously broke into some grandma’s gift wrapping drawer and stole all of the tissue paper ole’ girl saves up to use in Easter baskets.

My guess is that the new season of Project Runway is shooting right now and as part of a recent challenge, the designers were asked to design an 80s prom dress for their biggest enemy using only nursery curtains from a baby store. Heidi agreed to wear the “winning” look to the Oscars tonight.

I don’t know why but Heidi’s whole look reminds me of Shelby’s wedding in Steel Magnolias:

I should be slapped with an armadillo cake for comparing Heidi Klum’s ugly as hell dress with the delicate Southern belle look that Ann Wedgeworth flawlessly worked in Steel Magnolias.

Pics: Getty