Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 28, 2016 / Posted by:

The bear from The Revenant (as played by Glenn Ennis and CGI!)

That CGI bear looks so peaceful lying on Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s leg like that. She’s thinking, “Leo, I don’t want to viciously kill you, but I want you to get that Oscar and I know a scene where you and I peacefully eat honey together under a tree won’t get you there, so I’ll do what I gotta do….” I can’t believe that this awards season brightest star, the bear from The Revenant, has never been HSOTD. It seems like Leo’s thirst for Oscar hustle started with someone giving birth to¬†the vicious rumor that the lady bear somehow ass rapes him in the movie. That poor bear almost ended up on the Forest Sex Offender Registry because of that piece of untruthiness. DiCatchAHo really owes everything to that bear.

Leonardo is probably as happy and giddy as a 16-year-old kid on prom night who thinks he’s going to get his first hand job from his girlfriend. Dude’s probably going to wear two diapers underneath his tuxedo pants tonight because he’s going to be leaking from both ends over the excitement of it all. Part of me wants Julianne Moore to get up there and say, “And the Best Actor Oscar goes to…. Leonardo DiCaprio, you better run home and cry to your mommy, girl, because Trumbo won!” ¬†Seeing Leonardo slowly combust on the inside while a fake smile is painted onto his face would probably be the highlight of everyone’s night.

But no, ho is going to win tonight and when he gets up there, he’ll probably pull out a 12-foot long scroll with a million names on it. Truthfully, though, the only thing he needs to say up there is, “This is dedicated to the bear!

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