Open Post: Hosted By Pebble The Dirty-Mouthed Cockatoo

February 26, 2016 / Posted by:

The cockatoo is my favorite bird, because duh, it’s got cock in its name and some of them can teach all of us how to properly curse a trick out.

Meet 20-year-old Pebble, a Canadian citizen cockatoo who currently lives at the Saskatoon Parrot Rescue in Rosthern, Saskatchewan. The parrot rescue shot a video where one of its staffers Kelly talks about how round cages are bad for a cockatoo’s nerves and overall mental health situation. About 45 seconds into the video, Kelly lets Pebble know that he’s about to destroy the hell out of that cage. It takes about 2 seconds to realize that nobody hates that cage more than Pebble does because that bird spits out a fuck word-infused rant that’d make Quentin Tarantino reach for the soap. Pebble’s version of “whoop that trick” is pretty much nothing but the f word. I also think I heard “wanker” and maybe a “cunt” or two. Pebble threw the kind of fit that a spoiled rat would throw if his parents canceled his Xbox Live subscription, but of course, Pebble does it better.

I know Pebble is Canadian, but I still wish she could come to the US and moderate one of the presidential debates. She’d be perfect! I also wish that I could adopt Pebble, because she’d make the best door greeter and phone answerer. And I’d take her in the car with me, so that she could perfectly curse out a trick who cut me off. I want Pebble to teach me her ways. I want Pebble to be the ‘Enry ‘Iggins to my Eliza Doolittle. “The fucking rain in fucking Spain stays fucking mainly on the fucking plain.”

The Parrot Rescue claims that they’re not the ones who taught Pebble all those beautiful words. Hmmm… I bet Pebble learned them from Rosetta Stone: Eric The Asshole Bird Edition.

via HuffPo

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