Earlier this week, Canada’s back-up blonde British Columbian sex legend (in the event Pamela Anderson is unable to fulfill her duties) Kim Cattrall found an uninvited guest inside her home. Since Kim lives on Vancouver Island, I immediately assumed it was a stoned moose looking for a bag of All Dressed Ruffles. But no, it was a white Suzuki SUV driven by a 16-year-old girl.
According to Kim, who hopped on Twitter right after it happened, the vehicle crashed into the front of her house around 1am on Tuesday morning. Kim clearly doesn’t have as much Samantha Jones in her as I thought she did, because she didn’t break the news of the crash with a double entendre about entering through the back next time. Instead, she took a swipe at the driver and accused her of being a reckless mess.
A senseless 16 yr old driver plowed into my home Joy Riding @ 1am. People cld have been killed. U should b ashamed. pic.twitter.com/pi7zHj3XDu
— Kim Cattrall (@KimCattrall) February 24, 2016
Kim let everyone know that only her house was physically hurt and that she was a little shaken up. But Kim wasn’t quite done. There wasn’t any word as to whether or not Kim’s 16-year-old house assassin was driving under the influence of booze, but that didn’t stop Kim from tweeting a picture of the smashed-up Suzuki to Mothers Against Drunk Driving yesterday and asking them: “How can we prevent these violating assaults?”
Thank god the only casualties were Kim’s beautiful clay pottery planters, because I don’t want to live in a world without Emmy from Mannequin. Especially since it’s only a matter of time before Hollywood does us dirty and remakes Mannequin. I don’t want there to be any excuses as to why they can’t let Kim Cattrall reprise her role.