It’s a shame that Robert Stack is no longer with us, because we still have so many unsolved mysteries. Like why Justin Bieber refuses to shave that patchy mess of rodent hair off his face. Or where the Kardashians were able to find a clock that lacks a 15th minute.
But one mystery we don’t need help solving is the mystery of why Rihanna cancelled her performance of “Kiss It Better” at the Grammys last week. Page Six has stamped a CASE CLOSED on that file. According to sources, RiRi called it quits on her performance because she was afraid it was going to be an embarrassing shit show.
“She felt like her performance couldn’t compare [to some of the other artists’], and she was trying to avoid the embarrassment because she knew it wasn’t the right comeback performance. She said, ‘I’m not doing this.'”
As reported earlier, the plan was that night time talk show hamster James Corden would introduce RiRi and she’d come out and start gyrating against his microphone. That sounds bad, but it got worse. A source claims Rihanna rehearsed some of “Kiss It Better” live, but there were a lot of recorded vocals being used. The source adds that her performance left a lot of people “underwhelmed” and wondering why she’d perform a ballad instead of something fun, like “Work.”
RiRi finally realized her performance was a cheesy mess after she started comparing it to other rehearsal performances, like Kendrick Lamar’s. That’s when she decided to blame bronchitis and split.
So there you have it – mystery solved! Speaking of mysteries…is it just me, or did that source seem to have an awful lot to say about how boring and tired RiRi’s performance was? Wait a minute..boring…tired (rips mask off source). Azealia Banks, it was you all along! I knew it!