Okay, So Maybe That TV Remake Of “Dirty Dancing” Got A Little Watchable

February 23, 2016 / Posted by:

Last December, ABC loudly screamed, “We love shitting on your childhood,” when they announced that they were doing a 3-hour TV remake of Dirty Dancing starring Little Miss Sunshine (aka Abigail Breslin) as Baby. Debra Messing is also playing Baby’s mom. I was waiting for ABC to announce that they were just kidding, because yeah, they’re heartless television executives who only care about money and ratings, but they’re not THAT heartless. That hasn’t happened. They’re still going through with their Dirty Dancing remake. But well, if it turns out to be a cold, wet turd, at least we’ll have a hot piece of pure muscle to look at.

Entertainment Weekly says that Broadway actor, chonies model, dancer, singer, CrossFit disciple and P!nk’s co-star in her video for Try, Colton Prattes, has been cast in the Patrick Swayze role of Johnny Castle. Derek Hough is going to dramatically jazz walk into his agent’s office and give that incompetent bitch a piece of his mind for not getting him that role. via EW

In the three-hour musical airing on ABC, Prattes will portray Johnny, the dance instructor at the Catskill Mountains resort who teaches Baby — played by Abigail Breslin — to be his new partner. Debra Messing has also been cast to play Baby’s mother.

Judging by these pictures of Colton, this remake is going to be very different than the Dirty Dancing we know. Johnny is always going to be shirtless or in a tank top, because whenever he tries to wear a t-shirt, his bulging muscles rip off the sleeves. He can’t help it! Baby is also going to be a shit dancer, because Johnny never has time to rehearse with her since he’s always at CrossFit class. And they’re going to have to re-work the “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” scene. In the TV remake, Johnny will say, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner, cause that’s where I keep my free weights, brah.”

And here’s a few pictures of the TV Johnny Castle working those rock hard cum gutters and that thigh tattoo.

Pics: Instagram, DNA

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