Kate Moss Injured While Speeding On Enormous White Mountain

February 20, 2016 / Posted by:

I’m going to preface all this by saying that I love skiing, grew up skiing, still ski and so therefore know full well that one small mistake can result in a serious injury. Having said that, when God gives you a story that writes its own cheap coke jokes, you take it.

Page Six has reported that supermodel and noted drug enthusiast (good for her! Everyone needs hobbies!) Kate Moss injured herself while skiing in the Swiss resort of Gstaad. She apparently  took a tumble on Thursday and has torn ligaments in her knee as a result. She was due to be in Toronto on Monday for an event at Saks Fifth Avenue promoting fancy Japanese skin care brand Decorte, of which she is the face. Store appearance or not, it doesn’t affect me. I don’t live in Canada. But any skin cream that chooses her as their front totally has me sold. I’ve always wanted to be young but look like I’ve really been through it, seen shit, fought in ‘Nam. As soon as I finish this post I’m running out to the nearest department store and slathering myself in Decorte so I can finally be the bad for your age 48 I’ve always dreamt of being.

In a statement, Moss said:

“It is with great disappointment that I must postpone my trip to be a part of the ­Decorté and Saks Fifth Avenue launch celebration due to an injury whilst skiing [. . .] in Switzerland. I am currently under medical care which prohibits me to fly overseas for now.” She added, “[I] will make every effort to reschedule my visit to the fabulous city of Toronto as soon as I am able to travel.”

Someone for Saks also commented, saying, “of course it is extremely disappointing, as the whole event was based around her, but everyone is glad Kate is OK. It could have been a lot worse.” This is all too nice and professional. Why can’t this be some 80s soap shit where the heiress to Saks vows revenge on the model that ruined her event, planning it all by moonlight near a bubble bath in a marble room whilst drinking champagne? “Damn her! She thinks she can mess around with Kimberlyn Sharans Julia Saks?! Well, she has another thing coming…” *chugs champagne and smashes glass on the ground*

I promised you cheap coke jokes but sometimes the cheap shots are just too cheap for me. However, I will say that the first thing that came to mind when I saw this story was an image of Kate skiing down the mountain the way Phoebe on Friends runs because she thinks first one to the bottom gets to snort the whole thing – so no, I’m not above it.

Pic: Bauer Griffin

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