There are a lot of ways you could taint the Kardashian name: not wanting to be famous, actually working, dating someone who isn’t a jailbait-chasing creep, refusing to let your family profit off your sex tape, having the same face and ass you were born with. But apparently ranting about being poor on Twitter is by-far the worst thing you could do. “Worse than going on Fashion Police and calling me the worst dressed Kardashian at the Yeezy show? Yeah, okay” thought Caitlyn Jenner.
According to Page Six, what was once the most shimmering jewel in Kris Jenner’s pimp chalice is now apparently a chipped rhinestone that keeps catching on her claws. A source klaims that just like her favorite daughter, Kris is worried that Kanye West’s recent Twitter fuckery and backstage meltdowns are “damaging the Kardashian brand.” On the upside, Kris thinks she might have found a solution to her Kanye problem.
A source tells Page Six that Kanye has been ordered by The Plastic Puppetmaster to hire a publicist who deals with crisis management. Kris wants Kanye to focus more on his music and less on being a crazy unpredictable mess. Unfortunately, none of their calls have been returned because nobody wants to work with him. Quelle-fucking-surprise, I know. When asked about working with Kanye, one top publicist replied: “You couldn’t pay us enough to represent Kanye. He’s too much to handle.” Somewhere in Hell, Satan is watching all this unfold and cackling “Oh, the irony! All the money in the world and no one to take it. Bwahahahaha!!!”
Oh dear oh dear, what is a poor pimp to do? What am I saying, I know exactly what she’ll do. She’ll drive him out to the middle of nowhere (or if the location is still saved in her GPS, wherever she left Kris Humphries), slow down just long enough to kick him out of the car, and scream “SEE YA NEVER!” as she peels away.