This Explains Why I Just Heard An Annoying High-Pitched “NOOOOOoooOOOOO”

February 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Disney announced last September that they’re working on a musical sequel to Mary Poppins after massive amounts of people demanded one (read: nobody except the Disney executives who know this will make them richer want this). The Mary Poppins sequel will take place 20 years after the first movie and will use stories from P.L. Travers’ series about her ass. As soon as it was announced, everybody figured that Anne Hathaway was singing out the words, “I’m ready! I’m ready!“, while pulling up to Disney Studios in a truck full of Mary Poppins costumes she’s been saving for that very moment. I mean…

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But a few days after the Mary Poppins sequel news made the rounds, it was rumored that Emily Blunt had already been offered the role. And today, Variety says that Emily is in official talks. Meanwhile, Anne Hathaway has let out a painful shriek while doing the slow wall slide of sadness as she sees her dream role slip away. Her husband and unborn baby are letting out sighs of relief, because hopefully this news means that Anne will stop speaking in a British accent and will return the English children she rented and has been taking care of to really get into the role.

Rob Marshall is directing MP2: Umbrella Boogaloo and apparently Emily was always his first choice since he worked with her on Into The Woods. The deal isn’t done, though. Just like Anne, Emily currently has a baby growing in her body, and that may affect her decision.

While doing the media rounds promoting The Intern last September, Robert De Niro told Entertainment Tonight that “Annie” was perfect to play Mary Poppins. Anne only said that nobody’s talked to her about it (hint, hint, Disney) and she figured the role would go to Emily Blunt since Emily Blunt is British. Of course that’s not what Anne really meant. What she meant was, “Emily will get it since she’s British, but if Disney wants me to move to England and apply for British citizenship, I’ll do it! I’ll do it!” It’s okay, Anne. At least there’s still a chance that the My Fair Lady movie remake will happen and you’ll get cast in the title role. Why in the hell am I even putting that out there in the universe?

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