“Hold my Hay-soos staff, hunty, I’m about to read a bitch raw.” – Pope Fran Fran in that picture right before he let Donald Trump have it.
Just when you’re beginning to think that there’s no way this Cirque du SoFuckingWeird of an election could get more bizarre, a beef you never saw coming plops onto the surface of your eyes. Pope Francis held a kiki with reporters on his plane while flying back to Rome from Mexico, and a journalist asked him for his thoughts about Donald Trump wanting to build a wall between the US and our southern neighbor.
Pope Franny responded by saying the holy version of, “Um, he doesn’t even go here.” via The New York Times
“A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” Francis said when a reporter asked him about Mr. Trump on the papal airliner as he returned to Rome after his six-day visit to Mexico.
Many call Pope Francis the “cool Pope,” but if he really wanted to solidify his title as the “hip papal,” he would’ve told that reporter to check his Twitter account where they’d find his response to Trump: a Dubsmash video of him lip-synching to God Warrior’s iconic “SHE’S NOT A CHRIIIIIIS-CHEEEEEEN-UH” rant.
Donald Trump is the Brandi Glanville of the Real Candidates of the GOP and he lives for the drama, so he of course responded to Pope Francis saying that his thoughts aren’t very Christian-like. I thought Jabba the Trump would respond by saying, “Check your lipstick before you come and talk to me,” since the Vatican has walls around it, but instead he brought ISIS into it. Trump burped up his thoughts about the Pope’s thoughts during a rally in South Carolina today, but he also released a statement. This statement reads like it was written by The Penguin if The Penguin was 8 years old and running for president:
And after the rally, Donald Trump took out a Sharpie and scribbled over the words “Trump Loves Pope Francis” on his Pee-chee folder.
It’s on. If these two ever run into each other at Villa Blanca in Beverly Hills, I wonder which one will throw a glass of rosé at the other one first? I’m putting my weekly weed money on the Pope. Pope Franny’s side-eye game tells me that he gets vicious.