No, I’m not talking about his Grammys Red Solo Cup. He doesn’t own that anymore. He donated it to the Museum of Cool Dads.
America doesn’t run on Dunkin’ anymore. Right now, the world, including America, runs on the stories from musicians who were told by David Bowie to chew on an anus scab and swallow. Ambien’s biggest competitor, Coldplay, already told us about the time that David Bowie refused to collaborate with them because he felt the song belonged at the bottom of a Port-A-Potty bowl. Bowie also turned down a collaboration with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and told Bono that his musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark should’ve been called Spider-Man: Just Turn That Turd Off. Well, now Dave Grohl has his own “…the time David Bowie shat on me” story.
Dave Grohl and Pat Smear did a video tour of Los Angeles’ holiest David Bowie sites for Playboy.com (via Pitchfork). During the tour, Dave said that a couple of years ago, he e-mailed David Bowie about singing on a song he wrote for a movie. Bowie politely turned him down at first:
“We played at his 50th birthday party at Madison Square Garden, and that was the last time I saw him. About two years ago, I got approached by this movie to do a song for the movie, so I thought, ‘Maybe I’ll have someone else sing. I’ll do the music and then have another vocalist.’ And then I thought, “Maybe I’ll ask and see if David would do it.’ So the next day I get an email and it said, ‘David, I watched the movie and I got to be honest, it’s not my thing.’ He said, ‘I’m not made for these times. So thanks, but I think I’m gonna sit this one out.'”
Dave wrote back with a thank you, and that’s when David Bowie responded with this priceless work of art:
“Alright, well that’s settled then. Now, fuck off.”
Dave didn’t know if David Bowie was joking or not (he wasn’t). But Dave replied by saying that they’ll see each other again in 16 years at David Bowie’s next birthday concert. Bowie hit him back with this:
“He immediately sends one back and says, ‘Don’t hold your breath. … No more birthdays, I’ve run out of them.’ But then he wrote, ‘But that was a really fun night, wasn’t it.'”
David Bowie telling you to fuck off in an email is like Jessica Lange mistaking you for wall. It’s a blessing. If I was Dave Grohl, I’d wallpaper every wall in my house with that e-mail and I’d have it printed on pillowcases, sheets, bath towels and I’d have it tattooed on my retinas.
And even though David Bowie is a ginger star in the universe now, I’m sure he’s still going to send messages from the great beyond. Don’t be surprised if one day real soon, you look up in the sky and see that the clouds have formed a message that reads: “Fuck you very much for that, Lady Caca!”