I was a little surprised when Nancy Kerrigan’s kindred spirit Taylor Swift showed up at the Grammys on Monday flashing a pair of satin granny panties under her ballgown skirt. But I guess Tay Tay really wanted to show off the blank space between her thighs, and the best way to do that is in a pair of formal underwear.
Shortly after Tay Tay strutted down the red carpet looking like a Glamm Pam doll on prom night, Amy Schumer threw up a picture of herself in a bikini standing behind comedian Bridget Everett to Instagram with the caption: “Taylor that’s not a thigh gap. This is a thigh gap.” According to Entertainment Tonight, Amy’s joke made Tay Tay’s army of 12-year-old fans whip out their 1989 Tour-branded Bravery Books (it’s not a Burn Book if you’re standing up to jealous haters) and drag Amy hard.
Anyone with a rudimentary understanding of Amy Schumer knows that Amy Schumer stopped giving a fuck a long time ago and that she currently has tenure at the Jennifer Lawrence School for Cool Whatever Girls. So it should come as no surprise that her “apology” for joking about Taylor’s thigh gap would be sarcastic.
I have no idea why Amy is dressed up like Simple Jack’s meth-head cousin Shaky Jake, but I do know her beard joke may get her into more trouble than that thigh gap joke. Bradley Cooper, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Joe Jonas and every other famous type actor who has ever been rumored to have shopped at Beards-R-Us Discount Girl Emporium just put the name Amy Schumer at the top of their Rude Bitch Shit List.