The New Yorker recently published a long-ass story on TMZ and Harvey Levin, and most of it is about how the TMZ sausage is made. Like how they get videos of famous types fucking up or how they’re the first to know every time a Kardashian takes a dump (that would be thanks to the direct line Kris Jenner had installed last year). Obviously, there are going to be some famous types that like TMZ and Harvey Levin about as much as their real age or first nose, and it’s not exactly surprising that one of those people is Alec Baldwin.
In case you’ve forgotten (as if you’ve forgotten) why Alec hates TMZ so much, back in 2007, TMZ released a voice mail message left by Alec for his then 12-year-old daughter Irleand where he hissed like a pissed-off snake and called her “a rude thoughtless little pig.” Apparently Alec was so mad that TMZ leaked his daddy-daughter moment to the world, that he channeled his rage into some seriously fucked up fantasies about Harvey.
“There was a time when my greatest wish was to stab Harvey Levin with a rusty implement and watch his entrails go running down my forearm, in some Macbethian stance. I wanted him to die in my arms, while looking into my eyes, and I wanted to say to him, ‘Oh, Harvey, you thoughtless little pig.’ He is a festering boil on the anus of American media.”
I’m sure that last part was copied verbatim off the Valentine Alec sends Harvey every year. “Happy Valentine’s Day to the festering boil on the anus of American media…oh look, and there’s a picture of a little boil holing a little sippy cup on it! How sweet.”
But back to Alec Baldwin’s dream date with Harvey Levin. I’m actually a little surprised Alec would stab him. I always pictured him as more of a ‘choke you til the first row of hair plugs pop out of Alec’s forehead’ kind of guy. And I hate to burst Alec’s rage boner, but it wouldn’t end with Alec calling Harvey a thoughtless little pig. So naive of him. Oh Alec, everyone knows Harvey gets the last word.