Wait, So Florida’s Official Currency Isn’t Gator?

February 9, 2016 / Posted by:

The last time I was in Florida, I tried to pay for a cup of coffee with a baby gator I found lounging in a park. I thought that in Florida you could pay for anything with either a gator, meth or a hand job. No wonder they threw me out, because gator isn’t a form of currency in Florida and this dude learned that the hard way.

The greatest state of all-time and the gift that keeps on giving brings us this peak Florida tale about a hot piece of messiness who got arrested after throwing an alligator through a drive-thru window at Wendy’s. This act of Florida foolery happened all the way back in October, but we’re just finding out about it now, because the gator-tosser was taken into custody yesterday. WPTV says that on an October morning at around 1, 23-year-old Joshua James pulled into a Wendy’s drive-thru in Royal Palm Beach. He ordered a drink and when he pulled up to the drive- thru window, he grabbed a 3-and-a-half foot alligator from the back of his pick-up truck and threw it into the Wendy’s. This is what the gator looked like:

gatorinwendys

Even in that grainy pic, I can tell that gator is not amused. Gator is more of a McDonald’s kind of ho and doesn’t appreciate that Florida mess throwing it into a Wendy’s.

Apparently, throwing a gator through a Wendy’s drive-thru window is illegal in Florida. I know, if you can’t throw a gator through a Wendy’s drive-thru window in Florida, where can you throw a gator through a Wendy’s drive-thru window? Joshua James was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, theft, and unlawful possession of an alligator. He was arrested yesterday on those charges. During a hearing this morning, the judge set his bail at $6,000 and he was told to stay away from all Wendy’s. He also has to undergo a mental health evaluation and the only animal he can get near is his mom’s dog. (Cut to that dog digging its paws into the carpet because it’s not about to let Joshua James throw it through a Wendy’s drive-thru window). He will have to show his face in a hearing next month.

Joshua James told cops that he found the alligator on the side of the road and put it in the back of his truck before driving to Wendy’s. The poor gator was later released into a canal. As to why Joshua James did it, the easiest answer is: because Florida. But his mom says he was playing a dumb prank on a friend who works at that Wendy’s.

“It was just a stupid prank that he did that’s now turning into this; it’s stupid. He’s a prankster. He does stuff like this because he thinks it’s funny.”

Oh yes, the good old “throw an animal that can kill a trick through a drive-thru window” prank. We all know that one! Throwing an alligator is wrong because that alligator didn’t ask for that. But with that being said, I’d totally let Joshua James throw his gator through my drive-thru window and I’ll even pay him back with a lukewarm Frosty. I know, that was too far, even for a Florida story.

(A special thanks to sucknfuck and everyone else who sent this in to me)

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