Pure Blasphemy: Ludivine The Dog Beat Joan Collins For The Title of Hot Slut Of January

When I finally woke up and made Joan Collins Hot Slut of the Day for the first time on January 1st, I thought that I’d see her become Hot Slut of the Month, then Hot Slut of the Year, then Hot Slut of the Decade and then Hot Slut of the Century. (I just started taking a multi-vitamin and red wine has mostly become my booze of choice, so obviously I’m going to live way past 120.) But my dreams drowned in a puddle of hound dog drool that was slobbered out by half-marathon champion Ludivine! The door to Hell’s special place now has a plaque on it that reads: “Welcome everybody who voted against Joan Collins in Dlisted’s Hot Slut of the Month contest.”

The first Hot Slut of the Month battle of 2016 wasn’t even that close. It was down to living legend Joan Collins, Chic Jeans, Malibu Musk and Ludivine the dog who won 7th place in a half-marathon without trying. Ludivine got almost 43% of the votes, Joan Collins got almost 35%, Chic Jeans got 12% and Malibu Musk got 10%. I blame all of you who voted for Chic Jeans and Malibu Musk. If your votes went to Joan, she would’ve won! I also blame Polldaddy for making an un-riggable product. I blame everyone!

Well, congratulations to Ludivine for becoming Dlisted’s first HSOTM of 2016. She’s a star, a champion and she’ll go on to the Hot Slut of the Year finals in 2017. That’s if God doesn’t throw a lightning bolt at Dlisted’s server (aka a fat stoned hamster napping on a wheel) for doing Joan wrong like this. If you need me I’ll be in the corner trying to come up with a way to make February’s Hot Slut of the Month contest be between Joan Collins, Joan Collins, Joan Collins and….. Joan Collins.

Thanks to everyone who voted (even you hurtful bitches who didn’t vote for Joan Collins)!

Pic: Ludivine’s Facebook