Megan Fox Isn’t Crazy About Turning 30, Or As She Calls It: “So Old”

February 9, 2016 / Posted by:

If you have a young person in your life that you want to encourage to grab life by the butt hole and seize the day and all that shit, go ahead and print out this picture of an almost-30 Megan Fox and tape it to the screen of their iPhone. That way, every time they flip over their phone to take a selfie, they’ll be reminded that life is short and it’s only a matter of time before they’re a crumbling sack of dusty bones ringing death’s doorbell like this old-ass lady here. It’s what Megan Fox would want.

Elderly mothball Megan Fox was on Ellen today to remind us that she subbed in for Zooey Deschanel while she gave birth to Baby Otter, and Ellen DeGeneres made the mistake of bringing up the fact that some parts of Megan will be turning 30 in May.

“When you’re young, that sounds so old. When you’re in high school or even when you’re in your early 20s, it still sounds like, ‘By the time I’m 30, I should just give up.’ Like, what’s the point of going on at that age? And then you turn 30, and you don’t feel any older at all.”

Ellen then added that she felt the same way about people who are 50 and 60 years old, and Megan chimed in that those are the numbers that make you picture a person “in a hospice.

Apparently hearing the word “thirty” causes all the muscles in Megan Fox’s face to emote like she’s never emoted before. So, keep that in mind, future directors who hire Megan Fox.

Really though, Megan clearly needs an oldie in her life who can teach her that sexy is a state of mind, not a number. If only someone could find the real-life versions of Blanche Devereaux and Mona Robinson and convince them to mentor young sexy types in their spare time. We need to think of the future generations of sexy!

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