Eli Manning Taught A Master Class In Pure Excitement Last Night

February 8, 2016 / Posted by:

I bet that’s the same face the camera crew makes every time they’re told that Keeping Up With The Kardashians has been renewed for another season.

So, human thumb Peyton Manning won his second Super Bowl last night, and pretty much everyone was super excited for him. Except for his little brother Eli Manning, who lit up our television screens with his ‘pissed-off teenage boy being dragged to Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Mary’s house’ face. Eli’s not-so-subtle reaction was caught after the Broncos scored a touch down in the 4th and the camera cut to the Manning family’s booth. No one knows why Eli, who has won two Super Bowls himself, looks like he’s been up in his room listening to the same From First To Last song all afternoon, but it’s irrelevant. All that matters is that he gave us this glorious “Fuck My Life” moment.

I was honestly hoping Eli would take me all the way to my happy place by getting dragged onto the field after the Broncos won by his mom and forced to congratulate his brother before awkwardly trying to squirm out of a hug. But he was beaten onto the field by Peyton’s #1 fan, Papa John.


Hell, Peyton’s own wife was beaten onto the field by that thirsty pizza peddler. Papa John practically broke the sound barrier with how fast he swooped in for a kiss. Papa John is that THOT your mama warned you about.

In case you’re wondering if that romance novel moment between Papa John and Peyton Manning was a cheap attempt by the advertising department of Papa John’s to get some free publicity, well…maybe? Who knows. What we do know is that Peyton did do some totally casual advertising for Budweiser during a post-game interview by saying he was “gonna drink a lot of Budweiser tonight“. NFL players aren’t allowed to endorse alcohol brands, but Budweiser insists they didn’t stuff any money into his back pocket after he name dropped them.

Although if I were him, I wouldn’t drink any Budweiser last night. You know Eli Manning totally got to them first and rubbed his balls all over the cans.

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