“Cause the players gonna play play play play play…my game, because nobody wanted to play yours. Tee hee! Sorry ’bout it!”
Taylor Swift, the world’s wealthiest Willow Tree figurine, is about to get a hell of a lot richer. And no, it’s not because she’s got a pre-Valentine’s Day Etsy copyright infringement lawsuit binge planned this weekend. Variety says that Glu Mobile, the people responsible for Kim Kardashian’s mobile game Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, are developing a mobile game about Taylor Swift.
No doubt this news is making every 13-year-old girl in America scream like its Swiftmas™ Eve, but there’s one 13-year-old girl who is screaming for a whole other reason. And that person is the 13-year-old Lisa Frank-obsessed girl trapped in the body of a 31-year-old woman that is Katy Perry. According to BuzzFeed, one of the reasons why Glu Mobile is developing a game around Taylor Swift is because the game they made about Katy Perry, Katy Perry Pop, was a total flop. Apparently nobody wanted to drain their data plan doing whatever the hell Katy Perry is describing below.
Glu Mobile’s CFO recently said Katy’s game was one of their “biggest disappointments” from last year. And now they’re replacing her game with one starring her sworn enemy. Taylor Swift just gave the marketing team at Glu at standing ovation for their lack of subtlety.
Glu has released zero details about Tay Tay’s game, but I’m going to assume it will probably have something to do with becoming a member of her sugar cookie princess squad. But since Taylor is all about that money, and Glu is all about those in-app purchases, they’re going to have to find a way to rig the game so that players never actually make it that far. Which, now that I think of it, should be pretty easy. “This game is so frustrating. It won’t let me level up to Please Welcome To The Stage because it says I’m not a six-foot-tall supermodel.”