When Leonardo DiCaprio skipped on stage to collect his pre-Oscar award at the Golden Globes last month, he was upstaged by a tiny red string bracelet on his left wrist. Stringy was kind enough to keep its mouth shut and let Leo perform the acceptance speech he’d been rehearsing to his reflection in the bathroom mirror for two weeks, but it didn’t matter. Stringy made a statement without saying a word, and that statement was: “Remember me from 2006 when half of Hollywood wore Kabbalah bracelets to look all ~spiritual~? I’m back bitches!”
Page Six got to the bottom of the mystery (possible Nancy Drew title: The Mystery Of Where Did Leo Find The Time In His Busy Model-Banging Schedule To Get Into Kabballah?) and it turns out it’s not a Kabbalah bracelet. A source says Leo got the red string bracelet while visiting Angkor Wat in Cambodia with his family and bottom bitch Lukas Haas in November. Leo got the bracelet from a monk in return for a donation, and it’s supposed to bring good luck. So don’t be surprised if on Oscar night you see Leo shuffle on to the red carpet wrapped from head to toe in 300 feet of red string.
All jokes aside, Lukas should probably think about tucking an extra yard of string into the pocket of Leo’s tuxedo jacket on Oscar night so he can play Cat’s Cradle, because he’s going to need something to keep his hands busy now that the Dolby Theatre has banned the use of vapes during the ceremony. What will Leo do without his precious vape pen? Maybe he could sneak it in by putting a little dress on it and passing it off as his date. And with Leo’s years-long commitment to dating skinny underwear models, there’s a really good chance that might actually work.