Someone alert science (just call them up, whatever) and let them know we’ve found a human who is showing reverse signs of chronic dickmatization. It’s a miracle! Back in November, the long-lost fourth member of The Chipettes Selena Gomez was seen in an on-again moment with her forever on-again/off-again boyfriend Justin Bieber. The Earth was almost knocked off its axis from the amount of “She don’t love herself” GIFs people threw in her direction. But it looks like we can finally stop worrying about Selena’s addiction to Bieber, because she recently admitted to W magazine that she is completely over his shit. “Welcome to the club” said everyone not named Justin Bieber.
“I’m so exhausted. I honestly am so done. I care about his health and well-being. But I can’t do it anymore.”
She then copied her words into an email and sent it to Bieber’s current babysitter Hailey Baldwin with the subject line: “Feel free to save this for the future. It might come in handy.”
I actually believe that Selena is done with the tattooed headache that is Justin Bieber. When someone uses the word “exhausted” to describe a dick, they’re serious. No dick is worth feeling perpetually sleepy for. A good dick fluffs your pillows and lets you catch a couple z’s every once in a while.
Selena probably could have filled her entire W interview with different ways to describe how she’s over Bieber, but she decided to squeeze in some talk about her supposed feud with another former Disney ho, Miley Cyrus. According to Selena, she doesn’t actually curse out Miley’s name whenever someone brings up Lil’ Miss Mountain Dew.
“Obviously, she wouldn’t want to be doing what I’m doing, and I wouldn’t want to be doing what she’s doing. But I’m a fan of her music—I don’t know if she’d say that about me. We never feuded. We both liked the same guy when we were 16. It was just a Hilary Duff–Lindsay Lohan thing: ‘Oh, my God, we like the same boy!’ We are now completely settled in our own lives.”
In case your brain was kind enough to make you forget about such nonsense, the boy they were fighting over was Nick Jonas. Maybe it’s because I’m still rolling high off the beauty that was American Crime Story: The People vs. O. J. Simpson, but I would love to see Miley Cyrus play Lindsay Lohan in a biopic about that mess.
And because it wouldn’t be a Selena Gomez fashion magazine interview without a “I’m all grown now!” photo shoot, here’s Selena working some Jessie The Yodeling Cowgirl-turned-thirsty Instagram thot on Spring Break realness.
Pics: W Magazine