When Amanda Bynes’ one-time face idol and Rob Kardashian’s only friend Blac Chyna got arrested at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport on Friday night for causing a booze-induced scene on a plane, cops found two ecstasy pills in a sunglasses case in her purse. Blac Chyna got hit with a felony drug possession charge on top of a public intoxication charge. Blac Chyna admits to being more drunk than me while babysitting (Reminder: Don’t ask me to babysit), but she says that the pills in her sunglasses case weren’t hers. They were the black kid’s pills! I can’t believe it’s 2016 and that Lindsay Lohan quote still takes up real estate in my brain.
TMZ says that the two pills were tested and cops discovered they were MDMA. Sources say that Blac Chyna swears on her Fix-A-Flat ass that the pills aren’t hers and she wouldn’t even know where to buy ecstasy pills from. Blac Chyna is suspicious, because she says that nowadays hos stick with MDMA powder and people no longer do pills. (“Ho, please” – some stuffed animal backpack-wearing 40-year-old raver who can’t let go of the 90s.)
Blac Chyna admits that she didn’t pack her own bags for her trip. Her assistants usually pack for her, but they weren’t there at the time. So somebody else packed her bags and she thinks that trick is responsible. She’s not naming names.
Sure, we can all pull out our Detective La Toya™ brand magnifying glass so we can get to the bottom of who packed Blac Chyna’s bag, but we don’t need to. It was obviously Pimp Mama Kris wearing a silicone FUPA, a whole lot of Dunkin’ Donuts perfume, a fake beard and amazing socks while in disguise as Rob Kardashian. But we do need to pull out our magnifying glass for a different reason. We need to pull it out to solve an even bigger mystery: Why in the hell does Blac Chyna have assistants?