Well, that’s one way to clap back at a person who has been dragging you on Twitter. TMZ says that Ciara (real name: Ciara Princess Harris) has gone ahead and filed a $15 million lawsuit against her former fiance/current baby daddy Future (real name: Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn) for slander after he accused her of being a shit mother to their 1-year-old son Future Zahir. Somewhere in a pile of socks and burger wrappers, Blac Chyna sat up and thought “Hmmm…that’s a pretty good idea.”
It all started back in July after Future saw a picture of Ciara’s celibate boyfriend Russell Wilson pushing Future Jr. around in a stroller, and started cussing out Ciara on a radio show for involving their son in “publicity stunts.” Future also took to hissing at Ciara on Twitter, like accusing her of taking $15,000 a month in child support while making him go though lawyers to see their son. Ciara is finally responding to Future, and she’s doing it by coming for a lot more than $15,000 a month.
According to the details of the lawsuit, Ciara swatted back at Future’s accusations that she’s keeping their son from him by saying that she goes out of her way to make sure Future Jr. sees his daddy. Ciara claims that they’ve had at least 19 visitations since December 2014, one of which happened as recent as last week. She’s also accusing Future of starting shit as a way to promote his music.
Ciara’s lawsuit says that she wants all the nasty words Future wrote about her erased from Twitter and wants him blocked from saying anything else about her. She’s also looking for Future to stuff $15 million into her bank account. And just like that, the price of EVOL was marked up to $89.99 on iTunes and now includes a bonus track called “Please Please Please Buy This Album (I Need The Money).”
If your name is Future, this would be where you might want to look away (unless you want to make some new tweets that will probably be used against you in court of law). Here’s Ciara and Future Jr. cruising through LAX with Russell Wilson yesterday.
The world nearly turned inside/out with shock over the weekend when The Sun posted pictures of a 15-year-old rich kid of famous parents smoking the good shit with his friends at a skate park in London. I joked that the Dark Priestess of the Illuminati probably set that ESCANDALOSO paparazzi moment up to show the world that Guy Ritchie lets their son Rocco Ritchie do whatever the hell he wants. Well, TMZ says that Madonna is afraid that Rocco is spending his days getting stoned and living without any rules, so she’s hired a private investigator to follow him around. Um, I don’t know if Madge hired the right private investigator, because what in the hell kind of private investigator gets found out by TMZ? Detective La Toya would never.
And I bet that’s how it happens, too. Some random guy approaches you outside of a club, grabs your arm and whispers: “Sir, I regret to inform you that E! has decided to terminate your relationship. Please take this waist trainer and set of gently-used butt pads as our way of saying thanks. Now shoo.”
I guess Khloe Kardashian got tired of that polygamist life, because UsWeekly is saying she went ahead and kalled it kwits with her sort-of side piece of seven months, Houston Rockets shooting guard James Harden. And of course I say sort-of, because as we all know, KoKo is technically still married to Lamar Odom (but more on that later). According to a source, Khloe gave James his walking papers “weeks ago“, which means this marks the first time in history that a Kardashian waited longer than 0.3 seconds before mining their personal life for attention.
But don’t worry – Khloe isn’t wasting any Botoxed tears on James. According to a post written by some poor intern for Khloe’s pay-per-view website (via the Daily Mail), Khloe is looking for love on OkCupid. If you’re single and ready to sell your soul to Kris Jenner, Khloe goes by “khloewithak“. Khloe likes long walks from her car in front of the paps, cuddling up by the fires of Hell while renegotiating her contract with Satan, and jet-setting off to countries with lax butt injection laws. Khloe says she made an OkCupid profile for fun (and probably a check) and adds that she’s never done online dating before.
One thing she forgot to mention is that any potential suitors should probably be cool with Khloe ditching them to hang out with her husband. Like she did on Super Bowl Sunday. TMZ says Lamar has made a ton of progress since he was found unconscious at a Nevada brothel back in October. Lamar reportedly went hiking on Sunday with Khloe and Kim Kardashian, and his goal is to run again. His improvement also includes processing thoughts and carrying on a conversation. So basically, his brain function has surpassed that of Khloe and Kim’s.
Here’s an on-the-prowl Khloe looking like a suburban cougar hairstylist named Barb (that’s a compliment) at the club with French Montana last night. Shit, Khloe’s really recycling all her past dicks this week.
Sometimes you want to go..Where everybody knows your name…and they’re always glad you came! – Not_The_One_
Upvote winners (it’s a tie!):
Aww, we finally got a Dlisted get-together! – Zorba
The world needs more reserved cunts. – BaconSlut
The Star Wars dildos that Target claims aren’t really supposed to be dildos.
Before Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, Disney’s marketing team must’ve taken a crash course in next level whoring from Pimp Mama Kris at the Learning Annex, because they put those Star Wars bitches on absolutely everything. There were Star Wars oranges. There was Star Wars makeup. And Disney even went all the way to the dark side with Star Wars CROCS! At one point, I think even my shits were shaped like Yoda’s head. Disney is that good. So it wouldn’t be surprising if they really made sure that Star Wars was everywhere including your genitals.
A woman in Indiana was shopping at Target the other day when she came across (pun not intended) what looked like Star Wars dildos. Star Whores: Your Holes Awaken. They’re supposed to be Star Wars pool toys. Uh huh, more like poon toys. She joked about it on Facebook, her post was picked up by a bunch of sites and Target had to release a statement telling everyone that their merchandising people are looking at it:
Occasionally, we carry merchandise that some guests may find objectionable, as was your experience. We never want to offend anyone and have shared this with our Merchandise team for review.
And just like that, thousands of coochies and b-holes applied to be a part of Target’s merchandising team. But really, this is some Star Wars merchandise I can finally get behind (that pun was intended). I’d rather Disney put out a light saber dildo, but I’ll gladly take a Stormtrooper dick. And that Adam Driver one (I don’t know his character name and don’t make me Goole it) even comes hooded for extra pleasure:
May the force be in you!
Pics: Disney, Pajiba
Tom Hiddleston (35)
Jimmy Bennett (20)
Avan Jogia (24)
Camille Winbush (26)
Michael B. Jordan (29)
Rose Leslie (29)
David Gallagher (31)
Zhang Ziyi (37)
A.J. Buckley (38)
Charlie Day (40)
Amber Valletta (42)
Colin Egglesfield (43)
Sharon Case (45)
Travis Tritt (53)
Holly Johnson of Frankie Goes to Hollywood (56)
Jim J. Bullock (61)
Charles Shaughnessy (61)
Ciaran Hinds (63)
Judith Light (67)
Mia Farrow (71)
Alice Walker (72)
Joe Pesci (73)
Carole King (74)
Pic: 1883 Magazine
Hayden Panettiere and her Tupperware punch bowl tits did their best Christina Aguilera circa Lady Marmalade impersonation on that Lip Sync Battle show. Well, Hayden looks like Cousin Itt is viciously attacking her head after she barely just survived a make-up factory explosion, so I say she nailed the look! – The Superficial
Bitch Got Booed: The Tom Brady at the Super Bowl Edition – Celebitchy
Greedy fame whore Teresa Giudice really wants you to think that she actually turned down a paying job that involved lots of cameras and attention – Reality Tea
Gigi Hadid got naked for Vogue Paris – Drunken Stepfather
AnnaLynne MccCord’s nipples came out to support Wendy’s at the Super Bowl – The Nip Slip
Modeling Is Really, Really Hard, You Guys by Adriana Lima – Hollywood Tuna
“Fuck this shit, I’m not even going to change out of my pajamas for this low-level crap” thought Alicia Vikander before getting ready to go to the Santa Barbara Film Festival – Popoholic
On-and-off-again fuck buddies Kate Hudson and Nick Jonas probably fucked again this past weekend – Popoholic
Are you in the mood to feel your sex parts shrivel up and fall off? Just picture Ted Cruz singing show tunes to his wife before a debate – Towleroad
Goldie Hawn is making her triumphant return to cinema and sadly it’s not for a sequel to Overboard – Jezebel
Panty Creamer of the Day: Tom Hardy’s nalgas and pixelated peen – OMG Blog
St. Angie Jolie got three new back tattoos and who knows what they mean, but I’m sure we’ll find out when the Bible is updated to include a new chapter about them – Popsugar
The Good Wife is ending – SOW
Emma Watson’s new piece is a hot nerd – Just Jared
Okay, but where is Baby Chanel’s tiny waist trainer? It’s never too early to crush your organs for the sake of beauty! – HuffPo
Note: Apologies for not putting out my normal amount of posts today. I had to go to the doctor and you know how long the free clinic keeps you waiting. Last week, I promised that the Hot Slut of the Month winner would be announced today. I’ll announce them tomorrow. I’m still in denial about who the winner is, so I need a little more time to swallow that hurtful fact.
If you celebrate Chinese New Year, the only way to celebrate it is by posing for the paps in front of the Beverly Hills Hotel while only wearing stuffed toys of this year’s zodiac sign on your cooch and nipple knobs. The pride of China, Bai Ling, knows this, so she partook in one of the oldest Chinese New Year’s traditions by serving up almost-naked hotness on the street for the paparazzi she called.
In case you couldn’t tell by the fact that Bai Ling’s got a Lisa Frank monkey pressed against her poon, it is the Year of the Monkey. The Telegraph says this about those of you who were born in the Year of the Monkey:
People born in the Year of the Monkey are characterised as lively, quick-witted, curious, innovative and mischievous, but it is also believed to be one of the most unlucky years in the Chinese calendar.
The general image of people in this zodiac sign is of always being smart, clever and intelligent, especially in their career and wealth.
The Year of the Monkey is one of the most unlucky years?! Maybe that was true for past years, but not this year. This year is starting off right thanks to Bai Ling wearing a beautiful stuffed pink monkey bikini on the streets. I’m actually jealous of people born in the Year of the Monkey. Because I wish Bai Ling was holding my zodiac sign against her cooze for attention. Well, Bai Ling’s got a whole lot of attention whore life in her, so I’m sure she’ll wear my zodiac sign as a pussy patch eventually.
Happy Chinese New Year, everyone!
The day after Beyonce made Rudy Giuliani clutch all of his pearls over her “shocking anti-police” performance and Coldplay nailed their “Up with People on Valerian” impersonation at the Super Bowl, Rolling Stone released their new issue with Chris Martin’s face on the cover. During the interview with Rolling Stone, Chris called his divorce from Goopy Paltrow “weird” and “wonderful” (those two human “ughs” deserve each other) and he also talked about his ex-wife’s bestest friend in the entire world Beyonce for a little bit.
Hugh Jackman’s handsome face shouldn’t covered for any reason and it should be a federal crime for anything to take attention away from it (okay, except maybe a puppy). But part of it is hiding behind a bandage today, and it’s all cancer’s fault. Wolverine threw up a picture of his bandaged nose to Instagram earlier today to let everyone know that a doctor had to deal with skin cancer on his nose for the fourth time.
“An example of what happens when you don’t wear sunscreen. Basal Cell. The mildest form of cancer but serious, nonetheless. PLEASE USE SUNSCREEN and get regular check-ups.”
People says that Hugh’s rep confirmed that he had a basal cell removed this morning, adding “the margins are clear and he’s fine.” I’m sure there’s a whole group of horny Jackers (I assume that’s what they call themselves) who just shouted “Oh, he’s fine alright!”
Hugh has evicted skin cancer from his body five times now (four times on his nose, once on his shoulder), and you’d honestly think skin cancer would take the fucking hint already. If Hugh’s skin cancer was a person, it would be Wayne’s obsessed ex-girlfriend Stacy from Wayne’s World. Someone needs to sit Hugh’s skin cancer down and explain that Hugh isn’t into their clingy bullshit and it’s time to knock it off. Maybe the next time his doctor goes in there to remove skin cancer, he can slip in a tiny restraining order. Or a little note that says “Girl, you need to stop.”
In the event you want to see what Hugh’s face looked like before the doctor got to it, here he is riding his bike around New York City this weekend.