I honestly thought yesterday’s Yeezy Season 3 show would end with everyone emptying onto the floor of Madison Square Garden and pressing $100 bills into the hands of those sad-looking models while whispering “I don’t know what brought you here, but I’m sorry you had to do this. Take this – I hope this helps.” Instead, it ended with the beginning of another goddamned feud between Kanye West and Taylor Swift.
Shortly after Kanye played one of his new songs “Famous“, in which he said the words “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous.“, during his $2000 Pantyhose Ego Spectacular, Taylor’s brother Austin got it all started by angrily throwing out his Yeezy Boost sneakers on Instagram. Which was followed by members of Taylor’s friend army, like Gigi Hadid and Ruby Rose, chiming in on Twitter. Now Kanye has hopped on Twitter to let you all know that Taylor totally gave him the thumbs-up to call her a bitch and that they might hump. In fact, according to Kanye, it was all her idea.
I’ll have the short sax. – MrsThurstonHowell
Sounds like crepe to me. – Sheena
This Year of Ass Sex poster!
Oh, how I wish that this poster was actually used somewhere, because it deserves to be seen by all eyes. Do Scientologists celebrate Chinese New Year? Because if so, this poster is perfect for them! Buzzfeed News says that a graphic designer from San Francisco named Lehu Zhang had some free time so he decided to make a poster celebrating the Year of the Monkey. He did it in about an hour, uploaded it to WeChat and didn’t think anything of it. Or so he says. It ended up on Twitter and eventually went viral for a second, because the Internet loves anal. Lehu Zhang claims that his brain is a pristine wonderland of pure innocence, because at first he didn’t see a short fat dick going into a white ass. But he eventually saw it when his friends pointed it out.
“My design style is fairly minimalist. I decided to just use some basic shapes to create a monkey face. That was my intention. I was playing around with shapes and this thing just came up.”
Uh huh… Show me a trick who looks at that poster and doesn’t see peen-in-the-booty and I’ll show you a trick who needs to spend more time with me because their mind needs to be dirtied up. Nobody’s mind should be that clean. That dick monkey got Lehu Zhang some publicity, so well played. I can’t wait to see what Lehu Zhang comes up with next Chinese New Year when it’s the Year of the Cock.
Arsenio Hall (60)
Abigail Ratchford (24)
Mike Posner (28)
Sarah Lancaster (36)
Gucci Mane (36)
Christina Ricci (36)
Jesse Spencer (37)
Aaron Sanchez (40)
Tara Strong (43)
Rob Thomas (44)
Darren Aronofsky (47)
Josh Brolin (48)
Chynna Phillips (48)
Lochlyn Munro (50)
Raphael Sbarge (52)
Ed Lover (53)
John Michael Higgins (53)
Joanna Kerns (63)
Michael McDonald (64)
Maud Adams (71)
Judy Blume (78)
Franco Zeffirelli (93)
Bravo put out the first trailer for The Real Housewives of Dallas. My first thought about the trailer was: Err, are they sure this is Dallas, Texas? Because why aren’t they wearing diamonds with jeans and a fur coat? And why isn’t their hair touching the clouds and the people around them choking on the perfume and hairspray fumes wafting off of them? Harpo, who dis Dallas, because I don’t recognize it! – Reality Tea
There’s another Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer because the other 5,678 weren’t enough – Lainey Gossip
LeAnn Rimes’ ex-husband sounds whiny and really annoying. It’s surprising that those two peas in a pod didn’t work out – Celebitchy
Dakota Johnson takes dead eyes to a whole new dead level in Marie Claire – Drunken Stepfather
Why did I think that was Rob Kartrashian’s ass for a second? – The Superficial
And now for an elegant palate cleanser brought to you by the freshly bloomed iris that is Frenchy Morgan from Rock of Love 2 – WWTDD
Ashley Benson is still talking about how she’s considered a real tub-of-lard in Hollywood – IDLYITW
Please tell me these dudes are really shooting a Power Rangers gay porn parody – Towleroad
“Bitch, will you please stop talking so we can go and get DRUNK” is probably what one of my favorite drunk messes Laura Jeanne Poon is thinking in this picture – Popsugar
Brittany from Glee had another baby – Just Jared
Germany’s finest rose served up some Valentine’s Day on LSD sophistication – Hollywood Tuna
The National Enquirer is ALWAYS right and so therefore Pimp Mama Kris should be sent to Death Row for this! – Starcasm
Did Dario Argento put together the House of Cards season 4 trailer? – Pajiba
After this day I really needed some hot pieces in towels – The Berry
James Franco worked those man titties on Instagram – OMG Blog
Julianne Hough walked while holding her phone. You better keep defibrillator pads nearby because these riveting pictures may stop your heart – Popoholic
The junior high school quad fight between Kanye West and Taylor Swift started up again today at the booty hole lothario’s Yeezy season 3 show when he played a song called “Famous” from his new album. In that song (which also features RiRi and Swizz Beatz), he blows an air kiss at Tay Tay with the lyric, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous.”
As Taylor sat under a giant oak tree in her backyard furiously writing a Kanye diss track on a Disney Princesses notepad with an ice cream cone pen, her younger brother Austin Swift posted an Instagram video of him throwing away the ugly sneakers Kanye designed. Dude really showed him!
As an environmentalist and humanitarian, that video really pisses me off. How can his ass waste those perfectly good (but hideous as shit) sneakers? I’ll gladly take them from him and either recycle them or give them to a homeless person who could use them. Actually, giving those ugly ass things to a homeless person would be wrong and offensive. So, I’ll recycle them then and by recycle I don’t mean* “put them on eBay because I know some crazy will spend a whole lot of cash on the worn Yeezys that Tay Tay’s brother dumped in the trash after Kanye said a meanie about her.”
And if your eye rolling muscle has been feeling a little flabby lately and you’ve been meaning to work it out, this tweet from Taylor Swift’s main hanger-on Jaime King should help with you that:
I'm so sad right now & disappointed right now. I stand by my sister. Always.
— Jaime King (@Jaime_King) February 12, 2016
* Yes, I do
Justin Bieber Wants You To Know He Totally Could Have Beat Up The People Who Kicked Him Out Of Tulum
Justin Bieber, who totally looks like the kind of dude you meet on Tinder who says he “works in fashion” and then two days later you catch his ass fluffing sweaters at H&M in that picture above, recently spoke to GQ about a bunch of things. One of which was that time back in January when he acted like a piece of garbage at the Mayan ruins and got kicked out of Tulum. Or wherever he thinks it happened, because according to Justin: “I forget where it was. It wasn’t Tulum.” I’d say that’s our cue to add My First Maps to Bieber’s Amazon wish list, but it would be a waste. At this age, all he’s gonna do is chew the corners and spill apple juice on the pages.
At Madison Square Garden in NYC today, Kanye West farted up his newest collection of overpriced dumpster finds and he also played songs (one of which has a touching lyric about Taylor Swift) from his new album The Life of Pablo. I’m guessing he means Pablo Escobar since coke was definitely a co-producer on that album. Kanye held his Yeezy season 3 show at MSG, because his organizers probably knew it was the only place that’d be able to hold in his craziness, throbbing ego and all of those foam insulation-filled Kartrashian asses.
I watched mostly all 500 hours of the livestream and for the first time in my life I felt really sorry for models. They all had to stand there looking sad, hungry and constipated while wearing dusty, moth-eaten aerobics clothes that have been in the back of someone’s mother’s closet for the past 30 years. Not only did they have to stand there in condom beanies and Star Trek Lululemon shit, but they also had to listen to Kanye fuck his own ego while playing songs from his new album.
“Really? Lil’ ol me? Well ah do declayuh! If that ain’t just a big ol’ dollop of a slice of shoofly pie – okay, I’ll stop.”
If someone asked me how Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds came together, I’d smear some mayo on a piece of white bread and ask “This? Is it this?“, because I know how a mayonnaise sandwich gets made, and Blake and Ryan are pretty much the human equivalent. But according to Ryan, they got together during a double date they were on with other people.
Ryan recently admitted to Sirius XM’s Entertainment Weekly Radio (via People) that while he and Blake became “buddies” during the filming of Green Lantern, and so like lots of friends do, they decided to go on a double date together. Sadly, there might still be a TGIFridays with two people awkwardly picking at a plate of nachos and making small talk about how long their dates have been in the bathroom, because that was the night Blake and Ryan became Blake + Ryan. Unless you want to hear Ryan talk about the baby he made with Blake, skip to 2:42.
Ryan claims he didn’t get the warm feels for Blake until a year after Green Lantern. And I totally believe that, because nothing kills your boner quicker than showing up to set and remembering that your name and IMDB page will forever be linked to a stinky turd like Green Lantern. Blake Lively could have waited for him in his trailer at the end of the day wearing only a Green Lantern ring she swiped from the prop department, and he would be like “I…no. I can’t. I’m just too bummed out.”
And because we didn’t get a good enough look at them the first time, here’s Blake working a pair of Bedazzled bike shorts at the amfAR Gala last night. Huh, I didn’t realize bike shorts came with the 1989 Republican Senator & Senator’s Second Wife fashion set.
Saint Laurent’s show at The Hollywood Palladium in L.A. was last night and I guess the invitation read: Come dressed as a strung-out performer in Florida’s Meth Circus. I’m also guessing that Justin Bieber and Lady CaCa were the only ones who followed that dress code because DAMN. Gaga looks like a drunk, clingy auntie who is trying to relive her glory days by wearing one of her favorite outfits from the 80s and Justin Bieber looks like her messy teen nephew who is impatiently waiting for her to pass out into a drunken coma so he can go into her purse and steal enough money to buy a baggy of the bad shit.
If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Nancy Spungen played Susan in Desperately Seeking Susan, wonder no more. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Hmmm, I wonder what it would look like if Harpo Marx played Riff Raff, Columbia AND Magenta in a community theater production of Rocky Horror Picture Show?“, you don’t have to ask yourself that question anymore. Lady Gaga answered both of those questions at the Saint Laurent show last night when she showed up in a sequined blazer that screamed, “affordable Michael Jackson impersonator,” makeup that screamed, “cracked out Casper the Friendly Ghost,” and a wig that looked like a pile of uncooked curly fries.
Gaga, Justin Bieber and his struggle stache managed to achieve the impossible, though. They managed to be the messiest messes at an event that Courtney Love was at. Because when Courtney Love showed up looking clean and hot, I doubt the door person said to her, “Um, no loitering! No loitering,” like they did with the Biebs and Gaga.
So Gaga and Justin Bieber should give themselves a slow clap for that.
And here’s a million more pictures from last night’s show including some of the hotness personified that is the Kravitz family and American-Canadian fresh drew drop Pamela Anderson with her son Brandon Lee who used an entire jar of hair grease to give you “Young Elvis.”