Carol Burnett is a Hollywood legend, a Hall of Fame ginger and a treasured jewel who as far as I know hasn’t said any kind of eye roll-worthy shit in public (cut to someone e-mailing me an article from a few years ago of Carol Burnett committing a major sin by saying that In-N-Out tastes like old dog balls). So Carol already won the SAG Awards last night just by showing up but she really won when she accessorized her Bob Mackie pantsuit dress thing with slippers.
I don’t even care that those slippers are UGGs and we all know that UGGs are the devil’s creation. UGG slippers are basically CROCs in a fur coat made from Lucifer’s ass hairs. But if Carol Burnett wants to wear evil Ninth Circle oven mitt slippers, she can! If my own abuelita ever showed up to a party wearing UGG slippers I would definitely judge her with my eyes, but I wouldn’t say shit, because the only thing worse than getting slapped in the mouth with a chancleta is getting slapped in the mouth with an UGG slipper.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler presented Carol with one of those happy serial killer-faced Lifetime Achievement SAG Awards last night. Sadly, Carol changed out of her puffy Satanic slippers and into a pair of sensible Easy Spirit pumps before accepting her award on stage.
Carol should’ve kept them on and made the tricks in the room kiss her ugly UGG slippers like the way Leonardo DiCatchAHo kissed the Pope’s ring.