Last October, Oprah reached into her cleavage and pulled out a measly $43.2 million to buy a 10% stake (around 6.4 million shares) in Weight Watchers. As part of the deal, she became the new face of Weight Watchers. As Oprah’s already obese bank accounts get fatter, she says that she’s getting skinnier thanks to WW.
If I was a multi-billionaire like The Mighty O, I’d just stay fat and spend my days watching the full cast of Showgirls perform the movie live and in front of me as my trophy husbands, Alexander Skarsgard and Idris Elba, fed me freshly made Double-Doubles from the In-N-Out in my basement. But Oprah claims she’s doing the WW program and yesterday she said in a tweet that she’s lost 26 pounds so far and she’s done it while eating bread every day. OPRAH. LOVES. BREAD.
— Oprah Winfrey (@Oprah) January 26, 2016
I wasn’t really impressed by that tweet because I’m sure she instantly loses 26 pounds when she takes off her casual daytime diamonds before bedtime. But Oprah’s words are still so powerful that she can tweet about eating bread and make $12.5 million after doing so. Market Watch says that after that bread-loving tweet went up at 12:09pm EST, Weight Watchers’ stock jumped up to 20 percent over the course of one hour. The stock was at $11.35 a share before her tweet and it ended at $13.29 a share. The Mighty O made $12.5 million in one hour. Of course the stock is going to drop, so expect Oprah to bring it back up in a couple of days by tweeting about how she lost 27 pounds while eating cake. Two days after that, she’ll bring up the stock more by tweeting about how she lost 28 pounds while eating pizza. And after she runs out of food to tweet about, she’ll just post that bees GIF and I’m sure that’ll make the stock jump up 40%.
When Oprah tweets about her love of bread, she makes $12 million. When I tweet about my love of bread, my mom e-mails me a copy of the flat belly diet. Life, it isn’t fair.