Every night before the families of Charlie Sheen’s lawyers eat their usual casual dinner of filet mignon, caviar and truffles dipped in liquid gold they bow their heads and give thanks to the tiger blood-having warlock for keeping their family rich as hell with his messiness. Charlie’s lawyers are already busy dealing with the lawsuits from “desperate charlatans” who are suing him for allegedly not telling them that he’s HIV positive, and now they have to add a lawsuit from Denise Richards to their big, fat pile.
Last year, Charlie Sheen showed his daughters how much he loved them by putting them and their mom on the curb. Charlie kicked Denise and his daughters out of the house he owned and they were living in. Charlie sold the house, which is next to his, to a friend. TMZ says that Denise filed papers this week saying that Charlie promised her that if she moved next door to him, her daughters would get to keep the house forever. Radar says that the house was put into a trust for their daughters, but when he sold it for $6.6 million, he didn’t put the money from the sale back into the trust.
Denise moved into a rental house in Malibu in September and she says she’s paid $105,000 so far including a security deposit. Denise wants a judge to force Charlie to pay her $1.2 million so she can buy a new house for her and her daughters. If the judge wanted to know how much of a wreck Charlie is, they could just Google the name “Charlie Sheen” and read one of the million articles about how messy he is. But Denise decided to make it easy for the judge by submitting texts Charlie allegedly sent to their daughter Lola about her:
But what’s really shocking about the legal docs are the texts she says Charlie sent in late 2013, including one to Lola, in which he allegedly writes, “Have a merry Xmas with your loser f***s**t mom … your dad is a rock star genius … your mom is a puss wart.”
There are gut-wrenching letters one the kids sent Charlie, including one which said, “And why would you say that you want my mother to eat pork and die?”
We’re told Charlie believed Denise was writing the text messages from their daughters’ phones, so his nasty responses were intended for Denise and not the girls.
And he attacks Denise’s acting, saying, “Bitch couldn’t act hot in a fire or wet in a pool.”
Is that censored insult supposed to be “fuck slut”? If so, I’m filing that into my brain for when I do my taxes and need to write something next to “occupation.”
Denise also claims she overheard Charlie call Lola “a fucking pig whore” and scream, “I’m going to kill you and I’m going to kill your mom,” at her. I see that Charlie Sheen is a proud graduate of Alec Baldwin’s School of Parenting.
But Charlie’s lawyers say that Denise is just trying to squeeze more cash out of him. They claim that Charlie has paid her $20 million including a monthly child support payment of $55,000 for the last 9 years. Charlie plans to fight Denise in court.
This is just another day in the life of Charlie Sheen. When he’s not calling one of his porn star ex pieces a “salt-less whore,” he’s saying that Denise is a fuck slut who can’t act (he’s obviously never seen the masterpieces Wild Things and Drop Dead Gorgeous). The day that Charlie’s lawyers don’t have a lawsuit to fight for him is the day that they move into their end of the world bunkers because the apocalypse is obviously coming.