Because sucio ass perverts gotta stick together, R. Kelly said that he thinks it’s really strange that ten thousand zillion women waited a long time to come forward and say that the Pudding Pop Don drugged and raped them. I know, R. Kelly defending Bill Cosby is like Sarah Palin endorsing Donald Trump as president. Now I’m just waiting for Woody Allen and Subway Jared to publicly take their places in Team Pudding Pop.
GQ’s March issue is filled with more messiness than usual, because they published an interview with PedoBear’s favorite R&B singer. R. Kelly talked about how he was molested for years by a relative and he added that pedoism is a generational curse that is passed down to each generation. When asked if that means he’s next in the cycle of molesters, he kept his lips shut. He also kept his lips shut when he was asked about marrying a 15-year-old Aaliyah. But R. Kelly opened up when the subject of Bill Cosby came up. R. Kelly sort of sees himself as Bill Cosby (but with a fuller bladder), because evil, vindictive demons tried to destroy him with their lies too.
R. Kelly settled lawsuits with accusers who accused him of statutory rape, but he says he wish he hadn’t. R. Kelly only settled because his lawyers told him it was best for his career to make it go away. He says that all of his accusers were lying and they “extorted” money out of him. When Bill Cosby’s name was brought up, R. Kelly put on his publicist’s mouth at first and played it safe:
“Well, my opinion on that is, I don’t know what happened. I’m a fan of Bill Cosby’s from the Bill Cosby show, of course—who’s not?—and for me to give my opinion on something that I have no idea if it’s true or not, all I can say is that it was a long time ago. And when I look on TV and I see the 70-, 80-, 90-year-old ladies talking about what happened when they were 17, 18, or 19, there’s something strange about it. That’s my opinion. It’s just strange.”
But since he couldn’t help himself, he pissed out his true thoughts:
“It’s strange. Strange is strange. I can’t explain strange. That’s why strange is strange. Because it’s something we can’t explain.
If God showed me that they were telling the truth, I would say that’s wrong. I don’t care if it was a zillion years ago. But God would have to do that, because God is the only one can show me that. No man can tell me that. No woman can tell me that. And when you wait 70 years, 50 years, 40 years, to say something that simple, it’s strange. You know why I say that is because it happened to me, and it wasn’t true.”
So R. Kelly is waiting for a message from God about Bill Cosby? I bet that when it rains R. Kelly takes that as a sign from God that it’s okay to piss on children. But really, God isn’t going to send R. Kelly any messages. I’m sure that God forwarded all of R. Kelly’s calls to Lucifer’s answering service a long, long time ago.