On the left, you have Lex Luthor’s forever-unemployed brother Steve who won’t stop hitting him up on Facebook for a small business loan so he can open a vape shop (“Come on, be cool, bro – I only need $20,000“). On the right, you have Conchita Wurst’s drag mother, Pussy Footlong, who has since retired, but still works a backlit beard like a pro. And when you put them together, you get Will Forte at the FOX All Star Party in Pasadena last night.
For whatever reason, Will Forte showed up looking like a rode-hard put-away broken inside version of half-bearded Italian high jumper and former Hot Slut Gianmarco Tamberi. But I don’t really need a reason. He looks like a Faces of Florida mugshot, and I’m into it. Will’s Last Man on Earth co-star Mel Rodriguez also shaved half his face for the event. Mel doesn’t look nearly as creepy as Will, but he does look like a high school gym coach morphing into a high school math teacher, and that deserves a slow clap.
Here’s more of Will from last night. I know I’m focusing on the wrong thing here, but I wonder if he shaved half his balls too? You know what – I don’t need to know the answer to that (I’m happy to pretend the answer is “yes“).