Have Some Extra Cash? Tila Tequila Needs New Furniture!

January 16, 2016 / Posted by:

The last time we checked in on Tila Tequila’s job situation, she was balancing at-home phone sex work with a day-long appearance on Big Brother UK. Tila didn’t get shit when she left the BBUK house (well, besides whatever loose change she found while rooting around under the couch cushions). And it looks like she really could have used that $175,000 appearance fee, because last week she started a GoFundMe page to help her buy some new furniture and pay her rent. I guess MTV reality dating show residual checks just aren’t what they used to be.

According to Tila’s GoFundMe page (via Uproxx), Tila was looking to reach a goal of $2500. Tila said she needed the money to buy new furniture and bedding for a new apartment that she’s moving in to with her one-year-old daughter, Isabella. Tila’s reason for begging is that she’s a single mom trying to make ends meet, and she’d rather spend what money she has on her daughter. She also needs some cash to pay the rent on their current apartment, which Tila says was recently raised to $4500 a month.

Since Tila started her GoFundMe page six days ago, 58 people have helped her raise nearly $3000, which is exactly $3000 more than I ever would have estimated she’d make. Tila thanked all the suckers who dropped money into her online coffee cup, along with a description of what kind of thank-you presents her donors can expect to receive. Oh, and she also swatted at the haters who side-eyed her for asking strangers to cover her Bed Bath & Beyond bill.

“Oh my God! I cannot believe we actually not only reached our goal, but have actually gone PAST it! This is truly a humbling experience, and has definitely restored my faith in humanity! There was so much hatred thrown at me, especially on here, for trying to find ways to help my daughter and I. I was about to lose hope and faith in humanity again after reading some of the horrid comments, but I felt in my heart that GOD led me here, and to believe that LOVE CONQUERS ALL! And that it has! I was crying so many tears of happiness when I found out we actually hit our goal! Thank you from THE BOTTOM OF MINE AND IZZY’S HEART FOR ALL OF YOUR LOVE, HELP, COMPASSION, AND SUPPORT! Know that I will never forget you during our time of need, and once I am able to give more back you have my WORD that I SHALL! I believe in giving and paying things forward, and I am so blessed right now!

I will give everyone who donated to our cause a personal phone call, as I promised, as soon as I return from filming in Las Vegas so that I have more time to sit down, and give each person a call as that is hard to do while I am traveling, and at work. I will be returning the 1st week of FEBRUARY, and on top of that we FINALLY can move into our beautiful, new home, and get it all furnished THANKS TO SOME OF YOU! So after we get all nice and settled I will give you a call!

Please do me a favor, and leave me your name and number for those of you who donated so that I may call you when I return. THANK YOU AGAIN FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS! MAY GOD FOREVER BLESS YOU LOVELY BEINGS OF LIGHT!

Love Always,
Miss Tila Mother of Isabella”

The first thing I’ll be doing is blessing them with better decision-making skills” replied God.

I could go blind thinking up a list of things to do with my money that are smarter than dropping it into Tila Tequila’s internet furniture fund (wiping my ass with it, blowing it on a Taco Bell binge, donating it to Kris Jenner’s “church“, etc.). So I won’t. Mostly because I need my eyesight for Jon Hamm’s crotch area. But also because donating money to a former MySpace model so she can buy a new duvet seems like the sort of thing that no person with a working brain would do. I’m pretty sure all 58 of those donations were the result of a cat walking across a keyboard and accidentally hitting the enter key while the mouse was hovering over the “donate now” button.

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