And just like that, Dustin Diamond was able to yank back his ‘Messiest Post-Saved by the Bell Career’ crown from Lisa Turtle’s head. Although I doubt it sat on his head for very long; I’m sure Kevin the Robot has already traded it in at the Cash-4-Gold shop closest to the jail and deposited the funds into Dustin’s commissary account. (Kevin was programmed to be stupid loyal).
So, remember last Christmas when Screech from Saved by the Bell gave a dude his heart – and by heart, I mean a switchblade to the body – during a bar brawl in Wisconsin? Well, he’s going to jail for that shit. According to TMZ, Zack and Slater’s forever definition of “I don’t know him” checked into the Ozaukee County Jail in Port Washington, Wisconsin on Friday night to serve a four-month sentence.
Dustin is only doing four months in the little house (prison is the big house, right?) because he claimed he totally didn’t mean to stab Casey Smet back in December 2014, and a judge ruled that he wasn’t guilty of stabbing. He was, however, guilty of being a dried-up dingleberry clinging to humanity’s longest asshair. No, he was found guilty of two misdemeanors: carrying a concealed weapon and disorderly conduct.
No word on whether or not Screech will be sharing a cell, but I’m guessing he’ll probably be given his own room. After all, I can’t think of a crime serious enough that would warrant a punishment like sharing a jail cell with Screech from Saved by the Bell. Actually, now that I think of it, I could totally see them putting Screech in solitary and using him as a threat. “One more shot, and you’re spending 24-hours alone with the most annoying TV character from the 90s, and I’m not talking about Steve Urkel or Joey Gladstone’s Woodchuck puppet.”