Sean Penn Thinks His Article About El Chapo Failed

January 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Sean Penn talked to Charlie Rose for 60 Minutes to defend his hilarious and ridiculous train wreck of an article on El Chapo for Rolling Stone. Pieces of the interview aired on CBS This Morning. Sean Penn had words to say about the reporters who hated on his article and the news that his meeting with El Chapo led to the capture of the murdering drug kingpin. If you don’t feel like seeing Sean Penn whine about how everybody doesn’t like his article, look on YouTube for videos of a baboon pushing a fart out of its bloated ass. It’s practically the same thing.

The Attorney General of Mexico said that Sean’s meeting with El Chapo was “essential” to that trick’s capture, but the sun-dried queef bag says that isn’t true and he feels like the Mexican government is trying to put him in danger. Sean told Charlie Rose that he and his contact, Mexican actress Kate del Castillo, first met with El Chapo back in October in a location far from where the drug lord was caught. Sean doesn’t think his meeting played a part in El Chapo’s re-capture, but he does think that the Mexican government were pissed off that he and his contact found El Chapo before they did.

“Here’s the things that we know: We know that the Mexican government … they were clearly very humiliated by the notion that someone found him before they did. Well, nobody found him before they did. We didn’t — we’re not smarter than the DEA or the Mexican intelligence. We had a contact upon which we were able to facilitate an invitation.”

In Sean’s mind, he believes that the Mexican government said that his meeting was “essential” to El Chapo’s re-capture, because they’re trying to get him in trouble with the cartel. Sean isn’t scared even though he thinks the Mexican government is putting his life at risk by telling lies.

Sean called himself an “experiential journalist” who only writes about his first-hand experiences. Sean and Rolling Stone also got shit for giving El Chapo and El Chapo’s people, who think that the article was sprinkled with lies, approval rights before it was published. Sean says that those balls of hate are coming from journalists and reporters who are just jealous that he got the interview of the century!

“When you get the story that every journalist in the world wanted, there’s a lot of green-eyed monsters who gonna come give you a kiss…. Of course I know that there are people who don’t like me out of the gate.

At the same time, you know, when…’journalists’ who want to say that I’m not a journalist — well, I want to see the license that says that they’re a journalist.”

Excuse you, meatball face. I don’t consider myself a journalist and even I have a license that says I’m a journalist! (Cut to me showing off the “SERIOUS JOURNALIST” card that I stuck in my fedora before trying to get into an event where Prince Hot Ginge was.)

Sean claimed that he only wanted to meet with El Chapo to talk about the policy of the war on drugs and he knows his article failed since nobody who read it walked away from it saying, “Yeah, we definitely need to talk more about the policy of the war on drugs!

“I have a regret that the entire discussion about this article ignores its purpose, which was to try to contribute to this discussion about the policy in the War on Drugs. Let’s go to the big picture of what we all want. We all want this drug problem to stop. We all want them — the killings in Chicago to stop. We are the consumer. Whether you agree with Sean Penn or not, there is a complicity there. And if you are in the moral right, or on the far left, just as many of your children are doing these drugs … And how much time have they spent in the last week since this article come out, talking about that? One percent? I think that’d be generous.”

I disagree with Sean Penn. I don’t think the article failed at all. After reading it, it seems like the whole point of it was for Sean Penn to talk about Sean Penn and for Sean Penn to let everyone know that he, Sean Penn, met with El Chapo. So it was a win! Also, he farted in front of El Chapo, so it’s a double win! And strangely enough, that double win probably smells a lot like Sean Penn’s fried farts.

FYI: Apparently, El Chapo didn’t even know who Sean Penn was before their first meeting and he was more interested in trying to get into Kate del Castillo’s chonies.

Pics: Splash

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