One Couple Claims They Won Powerball And They Went Straight To The Today Show Before Turning In Their Ticket

January 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Every whore in the land had their own idea of what they would do if they beat the impossible of impossible odds by winning the jackpot in the $1.6 billion Powerball Lottery. Some people said shit like, “I’d IMMEDIATELY hire a tax ho and a lawyer before I even claimed the money.” And I said that if I won, I’d turn in that ticket as soon as the Lottery office opened the next morning and then I’d burn my phone, smash my laptop into a million pieces and run off to some desolate cabin in the mountains where I’d write Dlisted using smoke signals. But not John and Lisa Robinson of Munford, Tennessee. The Robinsons claim that they have the winning ticket and the first thing they did after telling their kids and lawyer was call up the Today show. I mean….

Tennessee is one of the states where Lottery winners can’t be anonymous. Their name and hometown is made public. So John and Lisa’s lawyer told them that they should get ahead of the media attention by declaring their win on the Today show. Their daughter is a reporter in Memphis, so she contacted a Today producer and set it all up. John, Lisa, their lawyer, their daughters and their winning ticket got on a plane from Tennessee to NYC where they made an appearance on Today this morning. John and Lisa have to split the $1.6 billion prize with two other winners (one of which is NOT a nurse in Pomona who is probably going to murder her son soon). If their ticket is real, it’s worth $528 million before the IRS sucks a huge chunk of that money up. Lisa says she’s not going to quit her job right away and they’re not going to move out of their little town. Sure, millionaire Jan, sure.

 

Their lawyer said that they signed the ticket and they’re going to get in contact with Lottery officials right after the show.

I watched these maybe soon-to-be mega richies all morning and I was surprised at how calm they were. I would’ve been nervously pulling my pubes out while driving to the Lottery office, so I don’t know how they kept it together while driving to the airport, traveling on a plane and driving to Rockefeller Center in NYC. They also waved that ALLEGED winning ticket around. Maybe it was a dummy ticket and the real one was safely tucked between their butt cheeks in a Ziploc bag. And they were too calm while sitting across from Carson Daly. Carson Daly naturally has creepy eyes that are always saying, “I just slipped something into your drink,” so I would never let him near my winning ticket. The only Today trick I’d trust near my ticket would be the Today show dog Wrangler. And even then. I mean, he does sort of look like he’d distract you with his cuteness before quickly robbing you blind of your ticket!

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You see what money does?! I didn’t win shit and I’m still throwing suspicious eyes at a gold-hearted seeing eye dog.

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