Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 13, 2016 / Posted by:

The afghan on Roseanne’s couch!

Wannabe God Warrior (Marguerite Perrin, she’ll never be!) Kim Davis was at the State of the Union last night, because President Obama PERSONALLY invited her and afterward he PERSONALLY thanked her for everything she’s done. No, she was the plus one of a congressman who didn’t even know she was his plus one.  The godly spotlight humper showed up looking like a Hobby Lobby assistant manager who won’t let her children read the anti-Christian Twilight books but secretly rubs herself over her jean skirt while reading Fifty Shades of Grey in her locked bathroom. Kim Davis got a little bit of screen time and when her angry mug popped up on the screen, Twitter went in on her (this is my favorite tweet of the night). Yes, Kim Davis’ beetle antenna brows are a work of unholiness, but I have to give her style points for her mullet updo (which was obviously inspired by Divine in Hairspray) and her stunningly gorgeous afghan sweater thing, which immediately made me think of Roseanne’s couch. Yes, I almost typed Roseanne’s cooch.

For most of Roseanne’s 9 seasons, the Conner family’s couch wore an exquisite grandma afghan. The afghan even got its own episode. When the Conners won the lottery (aka the “No Fucks Given” era of Roseanne) and gave their house a new money makeover, the afghan went away, but it eventually made its triumphant return. After the show ended, the couch and the afghan did a stint at the Smithsonian. Over the years, the afghan has continued to book TV jobs and after a little makeover, it landed an extremely important supporting role on The Big Bang Theory.

The Roseanne afghan continues to be the most legendary afghan in afghan history. There’s several knock-off versions of it on eBay and Etsy. What I’m trying to say is that Roseanne’s afghan is an American treasure and it should’ve been at the SOTU instead of Kim Davis’ ass.

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