Somewhere in a maximum-security Mexican holding cell, El Chapo is totally ripping-up this picture of his former Hollywood BFF Sean Penn like an angry teen girl while sobbing “I KNEW I shouldn’t have trusted that shady charbroiled chorizo-looking rat man!”
So, I’m not exactly an expert on what happens after you inadvertently give away the hiding place of an escaped drug kingpin, but I’m guessing that it’s safe to say Sean Penn might want to lay low for a little while. According to the Associated Press, Sean’s recent-ish interview with Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán for Rolling Stone helped authorities track his ass down at his secret hideout and capture him. If you’re looking for a “You in danger, girl” GIF and can’t find one, it’s because they’re all being sent to Sean Penn right now.
Sean Penn never named the location of Lil’ Chappy’s secret hideout during his interview (which happened in October and was brokered by Mexican actress Kate del Castillo), and he made sure to mention that it was all top secret and on the deepest of the down-low. According to Sean Penn, it was all burner phones and anonymous email addresses before he met up with El Chapo. But apparently he didn’t cover his tracks well enough, because an anonymous Mexican official claims Spicoli accidentally lead authorities to his hideout, which was located in Tamazula, Mexico. Well, DUH! Of course Sean Penn led them right to him; I mean, it’s pretty hard to go incognito when you look like an angry hot dog wiener that was left in the microwave for too long.
AP says that El Chapo wasn’t caught at the location where he hung out with Sean Penn; once authorities tracked down his hideout, El Chapo bounced. He was eventually caught on Friday in Los Mochis, which Google maps tells me is about a 4-hour drive from his last hideout.
Besides pointing authorities to the whereabouts of El Chapo, Sean Penn’s interview for Rolling Stone didn’t really tell us much else. Apparently Sean Penn ripped a fart in front of El Chapo and confessed that he doesn’t know if they even make laptops anymore. It’s also really really long. So if you hate your brain (but don’t hate it enough to make it watch Shanghai Surprise), then you can read it all here.
Accidentally snitching out the secret whereabouts of a drug lord who crawled out of prison, Shawshank-style, is the definition of awkward, so I don’t know many people who would voluntarily switch places with Sean Penn right now. But I don’t think he has to worry about El Chapo trying to get revenge. You know, unless he wants to see Sean Penn flip out on his ass and try to shove one of those burner phones down his throat, but I don’t think anyone wants that.
Pics: Rolling Stone