Multi-multi millionaire movie director and tall drink of douche water Michael Bay owns a waterfront house in Miami, a Gulfstream G550 jet, a Bel Air Mansion and he claims his net worth is half a B (that’s $500 million in douche speak). But one day, he plans to show up Mark Zuckerberg by giving ALL of his money to charity. The only straight dude to buy from the International Male catalog (probably) did an interview with Rolling Stone to promote his new movie about Benghazi (I can’t) and he was asked about how much money he has. Many rich bitches would spit out an answer like, “I don’t know,” or “Talking about money is vulgar, darling,” but not Michael Bay.
The real-life Zack from Showgirls (if Zack from Showgirls was a movie director whose housekeeper regularly had to clean off cum stains from the Buddha head next to his bed) spilled his net worth and said that he’s going to give it all away one day. No, he’s not going to give it to Bikinis For Needy Supermodels.
Of course, it’s easier to not care about statues when you’re sitting on an ungodly shitpile of money. Bay owns a $50 million Gulfstream G550 jet, as well as a Bentley, a Range Rover, an Escalade, a Ferrari, a Lamborghini and two Camaros from the Transformers franchise. He’s selling most of the sports cars, though: “There’s nowhere to drive fast here. And I Uber too many places.”) I ask him how much he’s worth. “I’d say about half,” he says. “Half a ‘B.'” He admits that’s a lot. “But you save up your money and you give it away. That’s what I’m going to do. I’ll probably do a very large wildlife-protection fund – something with Africa and big game.” I ask how much he’ll give. “All of it,” he says. “Not yet. One day.”
Wait, wait, did Michael Bay think this through? Did all of those explosions mess with his brains? If he sells all of his luxury sports cars and donates everything to charity, how is he going to audition actresses for his movies? Michael Bay says in this same Rolling Stone interview that he wants to make another historical movie. Well, when he makes a movie about the Cuban Missile Crisis and he’s auditioning lingerie models for the role of Jackie Kennedy, what are they going to wash while wearing a bikini? How are the likes of Candice Swanepoel going to prove that she’s right for the role of Jackie Kennedy if she’s not given a fancy car to wash in her bikini? Michael Bay should at least keep the Ferrari he made Megan Fox wash. Think of your art, Michael Bay!