I really shouldn’t write this post, because it’s giving Jennifer Lawrence attention and she thinks she’s over-paid-attention to. Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t think she’s screaming, “LOOK AT ME!” She thinks everyone is screaming, “LOOK AT HER!” But well, it’s hard not to look at her when trick is tripping on the Oscars red carpet on purpose!
Seen above dressed like a flasher grandma, Jennifer Lawrence talked to Glamour about all sorts of things, but I can’t call it a pure Jennifer Lawrence interview. I mean, she doesn’t talk about farts and she doesn’t drop any disgusting tidbits like how she loves to cup-a-queef the people around her or how she uses her snots as lip balm when she doesn’t have a tube of Chapstick on her. But JLaw did talk about how her coochie throbs for Larry David and how she thinks her personal aesthetic is “slutty power lesbian.” You can read the whole interview here, but I’ve dropped a few choice quotes after the cut.
On her essay about the gender wage gap: It was so personal that it was scary.… I keep going back and forth on being opinionated. I completely agree when there are actors who say, “Actors should stay out of politics. We’re not politicians.” [And] my business is based on everybody buying tickets and seeing my movie.… It’s not smart, businesswise, to be opinionated. But then what’s the point in having a voice at all if I’m not going to use it for what I truly believe in?
On how she got all her rubber cum catchers and baby repellent pills from Planned Parenthood: My mom was really religious with me when I was young. She’s not so much anymore. And I wouldn’t have been able to get birth control if it weren’t for Planned P. I wouldn’t have been able to get condoms and birth control and all these things I needed as a normal teenager who was growing up in a Jesus house.
On how she’s baby-free thanks to the other PP (the main PP being Phoebe Price, of course): Yes, I did [get birth control from Planned Parenthood]. And now [gestures widely] I am a successful woman who has not had a pregnancy. [Laughs.] But seriously. What harm comes from supplying people with birth control, condoms, Pap smears, and cancer screenings?
On dating: I don’t, like, date a lot. I don’t meet a lot of guys who I want to go on a date with. I’ll find a guy attractive maybe once a year. But I’m not a lonely person. Me not dating someone is not a lack of anything in any way. I feel completely fulfilled. Yes, when I spark with someone, it’s exciting, but I definitely don’t need that.
On how one of the dudes she gets the tingles over is Larry David: I gave Larry David my number. And he never called. [Laughs.] Which makes him even more attractive. I love that he didn’t call me. It makes him so much hotter.
On if she watched Larry David do Bernie Sanders on SNL: Yes! I masturbated to it. [Laughs.] Joking. Obviously didn’t.
On how she doesn’t feel like she’s misunderstood, but she does feel like hos pay too much attention to her: I don’t feel like I’m misunderstood. I feel like I’m over-paid-attention-to. I’m not trying to be a GIF. I’m not trying to be a picked-up-on-Twitter quote. All I’m trying to do is act. And I have to promote these movies. And I am, at the end of the day, I guess, a fucking lunatic. So if you record what I’m saying, it’s gonna be goofy. [Laughs and throws arms out.] What do I do? What do I do? I’m just a girl, sitting in front of the world and asking them to forgive her for speaking.
On her personal style: “Slutty power lesbian.” That is literally what I say to a stylist. [Laughs.] I don’t know if that’s offensive— Well, first of all, Dior is its own house that’s very feminine and beautiful; this past press tour every dress was just phenomenal. So you don’t see me as a slutty power lesbian on the red carpet a lot, because I’m embodying the Dior woman, which is an honor.… But [also] I’ve got tits and an ass. And there are things that are made for skinny people—like a lot of embroidery, or it covers a lot—and those make me look fat. I have to show the lumps. If you have boobs, you have to show, like, “These are boobs. This isn’t cellulite.” [Laughs.] Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
First of all, trick wishes her clothes gave off “slutty power lesbian” vibes. Bette from The L-Word, she ain’t! I don’t even get “office manager at a small company who fucks a couple of chicks a month” vibes from her clothes. Second of all, she totally fapped to Larry David as Bernie Sanders. Third of all, she’s trying to tell me that she wasn’t trying to make a GIF-able moment when she stuffed one of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s thumbs into her mouth hole?
Allow me to use another Jennifer Lawrence GIF to respond to that shit:
And here’s more of Jennifer Lawrence wearing a random collection of clothes in Glamour: