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January 5, 2016 / Posted by:

New York City icon Doctor Zizmor! 

The NYC subways are about to get 1000% duller and the faces of the people of New York will soon be covered in a field of acne, zits and pimples, because the high priest of skincare, Dr. Jonathon Zizmor, is retiring! When I first visited NYC sometime in the late 90s, I was riding the subway with my sister and when I laid my eyes on a Dr. Zizmor ad for the first time, I asked her about that Lisa Frank shit. She gave me a quick history of the legendary skin doctor who not only beautifies the faces of NYC, but also beautifies its subways with his gorgeous ads.

Dr. Z is a Manhattan dermatologist whose exquisite ads have been decorating subway cars since the 1980s. They always served as a gentle palate cleanser. If you were sitting on the subway and spotted a disgusting sight (examples: a drunk homeless dude trying to shit into a paper bag, someone reading a Stephenie Meyer book, etc…), you could easily rid your eyes of that grossness by looking up and getting lost in the rainbow beauty of Dr. Z’s ads. Dr. Zizmor is 70 years old now, but he was eternally a 40-year-old Jason Alexander wax figure in his ads (FYI: This is what he looks like now). His trusting eyes would let you know that even though you don’t have the checking account of a rich Upper East Side bitch, he’ll still make your skin as smooth and flawless as a mannequin’s ass thanks to his reasonable payment plan!

I thought that Dr. Zizmor and his ads would live forever, but yesterday the NYDN delivered some tragic news. It’s the end of an era in NYC, because Dr. Zizmor is retiring and closing up his office. The subways are going to be 1000% ugly again. Dr. Zizmor is also selling his Bronx mansion for $3 million. Dr. Zizmor once told The New Yorker that he and his wife wanted to use their Bronx mansion to heal the world.

“This is going to sound weird, but we want to use it for world peace. We are going to invite people who hate each other, and they will spend a weekend together.”

Err, that’s called “the holidays” and it usually ends with the people hating each other more.

Dr. Zizmor’s magical ads may be gone soon, but they’ll forever live in my memories. And for that, thank you, Dr. Zizmor!

Actually, I should say, no, thank you, Dr. Zizmor. Because right after I typed the words, “Dr. Zizmor is retiring,” a fat zit grew on my forehead.

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