Line Up The Blonde Models! Leonardo DiCatchAHo Is Single Again!

January 4, 2016 / Posted by:

That picture of Leonardo DiCatchAHo is from the L.A. premiere of The Revenant last month. We should’ve known that his model-hungry dick was on the loose again, because that twinkle in his eyes tell me that he’s looking forward to jumping into an ocean full of blonde model poon to find his new piece-of-the-moment.

In “This Has Happened Before And It Will Happen Again” news, People says that 41-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio and his girlfriend of a few months Kelly Rohrbach are done. No, things didn’t come to an end after Leonardo spotted a disgusting wrinkle growing on her 25-year-old face and immediately called Sports Illustrated to have her replaced with a newer and fresher model. A “source” tells People that they are both just so, so busy. Leonardo is busy hustling his ass hard for that Oscar and Kelly’s busy doing what exactly I don’t know…

“They have been broken up for a few months now. They are very friendly and it’s super amicable. They are both so busy and he’s got a big movie coming out and she’s one of the biggest super models in the world. There is no other person in the picture.”

That source was either Kelly, Kelly’s publicist or someone who doesn’t know what the words “biggest,” “supermodel” and “world” mean.

Well, this is a good thing for Leonardo. Now he’ll have all the attention on him at the Oscars and he won’t have to worry about remembering Kelly Whatsherface’s name during his acceptance speech. But maybe Leonardo dumped Kelly because of the Oscars. Maybe he made a pact with Satan. Satan agreed to get Leo that little gold man in exchange for taking one of his disciples to the Oscars. We’ll know if that’s true if Leonardo takes a Kartrashian to the Oscars as his date.

But whatever, Kelly Rohrbach doesn’t need Leonardo anymore! Bitch’s career is going straight to the top. Kelly landed the role of C.J. Parker (aka Pamela Anderson’s role) in the new Baywatch movie, which comes out in 2017. The Rock posted this video of him and Kelly.

Lucille Ball died in 1989 and Kelly Rohrbach was born sometime in 1990. Coincidence? Nope. With amazing comedic and acting skills like that, it’s obvious that Kelly is the reincarnation of Lucille Ball!

Leonardo is probably going to win the Oscar this year, but part of me hopes that he doesn’t. Because at 2018’s show, I really want to see him slowly combust from the inside after Kelly Rohrbach wins the Best Actress Oscar for Baywatch.

Here’s future Oscar winner Kelly Rohrbach at the Star Wars premiere in December.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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