Yesterday, Amish hipster Harry Styles was “caught” (read: the paps showed up at the right place at the right time) kissing on the most legitimate Kardashian, Kendall Jenner, on a yacht in St. Barts. I guess Harry didn’t want to spend another day listening to Kendall’s pimp, Kris Jenner, barking “What is this, amateur hour? Arch your ass harder!” at them from the upper deck, so they called up Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi and invited them over for lunch. “Fine. You get an hour. But after that, it’s back to choreographed cuddling” hissed Kris Jenner, before muttering “Kim would never have taken a break…” under her breath.
According to People, Kendall and Harry had lunch with Ellen and Portia on their yacht, which makes totally sense and isn’t random at all, because why wouldn’t a 57-year-old woman and her 42-year-old wife want to hang out with two fame-humping fetuses? No, it’s probably because Kris Jenner wanted to see if she could get any more mileage out of those gay rumors before retiring them to the back of the Kardashian Rumor Kloset, and Ellen and Portia were the most famous gayelles available in St. Barts.
Here’s more riveting photos of Kendall and Harry having lunch with Ellen and Portia on their yacht earlier today. You know you truly have your priorities in order when all you care about is what they had for lunch. Who cares about those two pieces of stale dry toast – I wanna know what kind of rich people food they ate! Like, those paps took 6.8 million pictures and you mean to tell me they couldn’t get one clear shot of the food? Jesus, get it together.