While dead-eyed drop of lukewarm tap water Kendull Jenner and Gymboree’s answer to Mick Jagger Harry Styles cuddled for the paps in St. Barts, Taylor Swift premiered the video for the song she supposedly wrote about him even though they had one of those short-term contracts.
That shifty troll frog Ryan Seacrest premiered the video on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve last night, but I’m just getting around to posting it now, because I’ve been traveling today and my laptop shut the hell down when I tried to watch it again at the airport. That was a sign.
The video for “Out Of The Woods” was shot in New Zealand and a bunch of environmental activists got mad at Taylor’s ass, because her crew drove their cars near a spot on the beach where the nests of endangered birds are. If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of a dozen shrieking endangered birds screaming at those bitches to get away from their asses. But then again, that could just be Tay Tay’s singing voice.
If The Chronicles of Narnia was re-written as a cheesy young adult romance novel by Stephenie Meyer, the trailer for the movie version of it would look this video. TayTay runs from CGI wolves, she shows off her junior high school theater acting skills and she turns into some kind of tree that you just want to chop down. And she does all of that while wearing a dress that’s really similar to the dress she wore when she broke up with Harry Styles and took a boat ride for one to LonelyBitchVille. Subtle.
And tattoo artists everywhere better be ready to say, “Um, I’m going to need to see your ID,” because hundreds of 12-year-old Tumblr girls are going to come in to try to get “She Lost Him But She Found Herself” tattooed on their tramp stamp area.