Bill Cosby Charged With Aggravated Assault And An Arrest Warrant Has Been Issued (Update With Mug Shot!)

December 30, 2015 / Posted by:

Bill Cosby and Elmo… Two disgusting and nasty trashy peas in a disgusting and nasty pod.

A belated Christmas miracle happened today. The Pennsylvania District Attorney charged Bill Cosby with aggravated assault, a felony, for allegedly drugging and sexually assaulting Andrea Constand in 2004. Andrea Constand, who was the operations manager of Temple University’s women’s basketball team at the time, says that the fallen Puddin’ Pop kingpin drugged and raped her at his home in Elkins Park, Pennsylvania in January 2004.

Back then, authorities in Montgomery County investigated the case, but they threw the case out due to lack of evidence. The case was reopened this past summer after half of the population came forward and accused Cosby of doing illegal and wrong shit to them. The statute of limitations runs out in January, so the D.A. threw charges at Cosby before it was too late. ABC News has the details:

Prosecutors accused him of rendering former Temple University employee Andrea Constand unable to resist by plying her with pills and wine, then penetrating her digitally without her consent, when she was unconscious or unaware of what was happening.

She was “frozen, paralyzed, unable to move,” Montgomery County District Attorney-elect Kevin Steele said in announcing the charges.

Andrea Constand sued Bill Cosby in 2005 and the case was later settled. The New York Times published Cosby’s deposition in July and if you have a scar from where you cut open your head to scrub your brain with ammonia, you probably read it. Bill Cosby admitted to having “sex” with Andrea Constand, but said it was consensual.

The D.A. also issued an arrest warrant on Cosby. If he’s convicted, he could spend up to 10 years in the clink.

Bill Cosby is also facing several lawsuits from some of his accusers. Because his lawyers are probably trying to get as many billable hours in before his savings account dries up, he’s countersuing the accusers who are suing him.

I didn’t think I’d ever see the words “Bill Cosby Charged” in a headline. I see that 2015 is trying to make up for all the shitty, shitty news it’s caca’d on us throughout the year. Hopefully, 2015 keeps throwing good news at us before the year comes to an end. I’m lighting my Golden Girls saint candles and praying for a “Jell-O 1-2-3 Is Coming Back” headline.

And I know that they’re probably going to let Bill Cosby turn himself in, but if they bust him at his house and the media catches him doing the Pudding Pop perp walk in handcuffs, that picture will be everyone’s Happy New Year’s card.

UPDATE: Bill Cosby was arraigned today and his bail was set at $1 million. And he also posed for a mug shot. Ole’ Pudding Pop should’ve gone with a more festive Cosby sweater, but whatever.

Screen Shot 2015-12-30 at 12.37.53 PM


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